Krishnan Thoughts: November 2010

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NAMELESS STORY

(A PARTIAL REFLECTION ON THE LIFE OF)

K. N. KRISHNAN

In His Own Words

2 0 0 6

PREFACE,

Yes, an autobiography. If I call it as my story it will infringe upon the brand MY STORY by Ms. Madhavi Kutty in Malayalam and Kamala Das in English. The famous rebel writer had penned hundreds of short stories and poems in both the languages as well as a few novels. She is in the seventies and in such a late age converted herself to Islam and went into seclusion seeking the divine Allah. So that is not a title freely available.

There are so many autobiographies around and therefore not a good title to use. My Experience is the autobiography of Mahatma and that title could not be picked up by another, much less by an ordinary person.

So let us keep it A Nameless Story. But how and where to begin? Of course from the beginning. Was the beginning from self or parents or even their parents i.e. ancestors. Richard Dawkins has written a book titled ‘ANCESTORS’ TALES’. The tales start with the present day humans and goes back stage by stage to millions of years, somewhere up to 4500 million when it was assumed that the first signs of life appeared on primordial oceans. But I have not learned anything about my own parents and still less about the grand parents. Nothing is known about generation past.

Even what is known is confined to geographical area called Palghat earlier and Palakkad now. The name meaning jungle of Pala trees; Might be once upon a time. Today it is all sprawling rice fields and hundreds of villages and a few townships.

Palakkad is a district in the state of Kerala. The state is separated from peninsular India by a mountain chain named Western Ghats. In fact the ghats are much longer North South, starting some place near Nasik in Maharashtra going south, separating Mumbai from Pune, thru Konkan Coast, Goa and Karnataka west to entire Kerala. There are several narrow passes East West on this mountain chain. But at Palakkad, the chain brakes allowing 20-25 miles gap in between. The district is situated down that pass and in plains.

EVENTS CONNECTED WITH KIZHAKKANCHERI.

Our parents in their early days were residents in a remote village named Kizakkancheri i.e. Eastern habitat. There is one smaller village a little south nearer to mountain slop going south almost up to the end of the land, separating Tamil Nadu and Kerala. I have no knowledge of my own birth place, whether it was kizakkancheri or Vadakkancehri a couple of miles north of the former. At occasions, I heard from granny and mother that father had a coffee hotel in Vadakkancheri on the Palakkad-Trishoor road. During those days they were staying in that area. I remember something of that location as if in a dream. It is also said that father got afflicted with Typhoid when they shifted residence from Vadakkancheri to Kizakkancheri. The illness prolonged for a couple of months or more (as per elder brother). The hotel was managed by two younger cousins from granny’s sides. It is also said that the two did not manage it properly and hence the establishment was closed incurring some debt. This resulted in life long enmity between the families. Both the cousins were staying in the same village in two separate houses. Also there was a sister of these two residing in another house. I remember an invitation from the wife (Kaki or aunt) and accepted a packet of sweets and when I brought it home; the packet was snatched from me and thrown out in the mud. I was also beaten for it but I don’t remember by whom.

After getting normal health father left the village to seek employment. He worked in a hotel at Madras now Chennai. Even at that time the city was called Chennai by the Tamil and Madras and Madirasi by others. I don’t know for how long he stayed there or in any other locations like Trichy and Madurai. To my knowledge all thru my conscious childhood and up to the end of elementary school, father was away and coming home for a few days in an year. He brought biscuits to us. In those years mother gave birth to two sons and a daughter. My elder brother was in the first standard in the middle school at Vadakkancheri. Monthly fees to be paid while father was going from one place to other in Tamil Nadu in search of employment.

He came home for a few days, stopped my elder from school and took him along on his return. Later I knew that they went to Chidambaram a famous temple town. There elder was put to work in a Brahmin hotel where father also was working for the time being. But it did not last long. Father left the place to Madras leaving my elder alone in that place. It was a back breaking job to brother.Frustrated from loneliness and strenuous day long work he wrote to grand ma about his inability to continue working. He wanted to study further. Then granny decided to go to Chidambaram and returned along with her potha, peran(in Tamil).

As a coincidence father’s uncle i.e. the younger brother of our grand father expired at Mylatoor another village, some 6-8 miles distant on north. It was at this moment we became aware of ancestor on father’s side. Now let me explain a little more on this relation. Mylattoor is an isolated village with some 50 or so Tamil Brahmin families. The nearest school and bazaar were 2-3 miles away in those days. I know nothing about a great grand father. Grand father’s name was “RANGANATHAN” and he had two brothers and one sister. Since Brahmin girls were married too young grand ma was married to grand dad at the age of 9 or 10. The groom was much older in comparison. Grandma whose name was “AKHILANDESWARI” and she was not educated as in case of other Brahmin girls. But her father named Venkateswaran and only brother Paremeswaran were scholars in ritual practices i.e. vadhyars. They reported to be educated in Vedic ritual, Tamil and Malayalam languages. Mylatoor is a long way from Trichur. In those days Trichur was a big town in then Cochin state and Mylatoor was an insignificant village in British Malabar part of then Madras Province. I have no idea to why and how grandma’s parents choose this connection. Granny had two younger sisters. One was married and settled at Kizhakkancheri and the youngest at Koduvayoor.

When grandma was married the family might have been residents in Mylatoor. We have no idea whether they owned any property in the village. The younger brother of grand father and family were living in a spacious house there. Later, we came to know that the house belonged to the youngest. It seems there was no ancestor’s house.

Our grand father died when he met with an accident. It is said that while coming home late at one night he slipped into a rain water filled pond and drowned. Since he was alone no one was there to help. Only drowning was detected. At that time grandma was pregnant. Thus father came to the world fatherless. Grandpa’s youngest brother also died at a younger age leaving his wife issueless.

I have no idea, how long grandma and father stayed in Mylatoor or some where else. Only some hearsay is being recollected here. Grandma used to go and help in the kitchen of well to do houses, when there are celebrations or rituals. She also frequented rich nair landlords’ houses from where she used to collect food grains and other materials. Father had some education to read and write Malayalam. We don’t know from where he acquired capacity to read Tamil. Might be at the time of his long stay in Tamil Nadu. At some point of time grandma and father took residence at Kizhakkancheri, before or after his marriage. No sure idea.

I mentioned grandma’s father and brother. I also mentioned that her younger sister was settled at Kizhakkancheri. She had a youngest sister who was married to a temple priest at Koduvayoor. The place was on Vadakkancheri Palakkad road, nearer to Palakkad. They were too poor and they had female children successively and no male child. To my recollection at least two girls were sold for money consideration thru agents. One of the girls went to some rich Brahmin family at Bazawada – now in Andhra Pradesh. Years later she came to meet my grandma at kizhakkancheri. She was speaking Telugu and some words in Tamil. I came to know that grand mother was firmly against selling girls and condemned her brother in law for that. To my knowledge they had one son and daughter at home. They after their marriage emigrated to Rangoon the capital of Burma at that time part of British India. The two males were working as priests in some Hindu temples there. The families said to have prospered with children born there after. During the second world war 1940-41-42. When Japanese army occupied Rangoon the two families along with a large Indian population became refugees, tracked thru dense forests reached Calcutta after leaving property and possessions. By this time grandma’s sister felt lonely and became a mental case. At a later date she sought refuge in streets and seeking alms to survive. Her name was Janaki and she died on the street as reported while I was in Bombay.

Grand father’s second brother who alone survived while his elder and younger brothers died young. He had three sons and a daughter. In my recollections the first son named Narayanaswamy later known as Bangalore chithappa to Ajay and Akhil, was working as COM ponder (pharmacist) with a doctor at Alathoor while staying with his family at Perumkulam a mile or so distant from Mylatoor and a large Brahmin village. He later went toBangalore as manager in a big pharmacy. He was there till the end. He had two sons and two daughters all younger to me. The first was a daughter (Bhagyam) and second was son (I think of his name as Dorai.) and both did not complete their school. Third was daughter (Swarnam) and fourth (Viswam) & fifth (Ganasan) and they completed matriculation i.e. SSC today. The second and third cousins of father were educated up to matric and sought employment in then Ceylon now Sri Lanka also then part of British India. They were named Krishnan and Ramanathan. Younger was employed with the then British Oxygen and he was transferred to Madras before 1940. After independence Krishnan and family remained inCeylon and we lost all contact with them. Later Ramanathan came to Bombay in promotion and still we never had contact with them. I think I have exhausted all information about relations on my father’s and grandma’s line. Now something about mother.

As per information, mother was from Chitoor a part of then Cochin State. Although there were good education facilities mother did not go to school. But she learned to read and write Tamil. May be it so happened that she lost her mother at too young an age and her father with the lone child shifted residence to Kizhakkancheri. Nana’s name was Seshan. Thus a motherless girl and a fatherless boy just fitted as man and wife. More on this is not known to me. Nana died not much later. This story is completely hazy. We only know that our mother had several cousins male and females.

One female cousin (name eludes me) was in a small village further south of Kizhakkancheri called Karumassery and another elder was at Nemmara. One male cousin younger was acquainted at Bombay. (I think the marriage of this cousin was performed at Veembil or Thiruvilwamalai just across Bharatapuzha at Ottapalam. All family (except father) reached there thru bus & train and again bus on a heavy rainy day. Only the night remains in my memory.)He was a graduate and a Central Govt. Officer, resided inCentral Govt quarters, adjacent to Wadala Station. Contacts were not kept and have no idea about their later whereabouts. There seemed to be one more cousin, whose name I don’t recollect, employed as professor in Madras. I don’t recollect mother talking about her lost relations. May be we never asked her about it. There were a couple of more families, the exact relations with them, I am not able to recollect.

Naming children in family:

I come back to the story about which we are concerned. Earlier I mentioned about father wandering around southern Tamil Nadu. The first trip might be before his marriage but after marriage, it was Rameswaram the southern tip. The place is supposed to connect with the Ramayana Story. Rameswaram is said to be the northern end of the bridge constructed by the monkey gods to reach Ravana’s Lanka. I have learned from mother and grand mother that they conducted a coffee hotel at that temple town, might be for a few years. The hotel work was done by all the three together. The first child a son was born here. He was christened Ramanathan after temple deity (Siva). Unfortunately the child died after a year or so. They had a second son who died at birth as pre-mature. The third was my elder brother Doraiswamy originally named as Ranganathan, the name of grand father. Some time before or after the family came to Vadakhancheri or Kizhakkancheri started a coffee hotel in the former place. After Doraiswamy mother gave birth to a daughter. This child also died within few days. They all were superstitious and prayed to Sri Krishna, the god at Guruvayoor temple near Trichur to save their next progeny. They also took a vow to take the child to the temple for the first feed ritual (Anna prasanam or Choroonu in Malayalam). They felt that their prayers were answered when a healthy one born though not completing the full nine months. Some time I was told that the prayer and vow was not earlier but after the birth. Because, he did not complete the full term as in the case of god Sri Krishna the boy was named Krishna i.e. me. . I was born on 2^nd of Malayalam month KANNI in KOLLA VARSHAM 1102. In common calendar the date may be 15 or 16 September 1926. However the date recorded in company was September 26^th. 1926. Earlier I mentioned about my parents’ vow to offer to my first feed at Guruvayoor. They would have complied with as god fearing persons. I don’t know whether they or any other in the family visited the temple thereafter while in Kerala. Not to my knowledge. Self and missus (Mrs)visited thetemple at the occasion of Anu’s marriege the elder daughter of

Umapathy and Vijaya (Akhil’s uncle & cousin) after conducting the marriage at Coimbatore. That was my relation with that god.

Generally among Hindus the first boy is named after his grand father, the second after Nana. Similarly, the first girl is named after grandma and the second after Nani. But one may wonder why my elder was called by name Doraiswamy and not Ranganathan. The story is something like this. In respected families the wife won’t utter the name of her husband and no daughter in law utter her father in –law’s name. So my elder brother was called lovingly as Dorai meaning Sahib in Hindi and Sir in English. When grandma took him to school for admission she told the head master that the boy’s name is Dorai, the head master had no clue about his real name. The former reported to have said that Dorai is clumsy and inappropriate and therefore a more familiar name a Doraiswamy was entered in the school record. The name stuck to him. Of course the name Seshan came from our Nana. The next Venkateswaran was the name of grandma’s father. As the name was not to be pronounced by both grandma and ma he was affectionately called RASAMANI, a gem of king or king’s gem. Mother’s 8^thchild was a girl but she was not given the name of grandma’s but called Krishnambal since Sri. Krishna was the 8^th child of Devaki and Vasudeva. Now about the next two Ganesan and Mani/Subramaniam.

When mother was pregnant that was in Nemmara where father was engaged as priest in main Ganapathy temple. The village elders decided to celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi in a grand scale. Unlike in other years they arranged for 3 caparisoned elephants and needed accompaniments. It was a day and night affair. Mother was nearing the date for delivery. Our family prayed, god ganesha to delay the day of delivery after the celebrations. Otherwise, if the delivery takes place early father and others will not be able to enter the temple for 10 days because of resulting pollution. The boy was born on next day morning when the temple rituals were complete. Since, they thought that it was the blessing of the god that saved the day, the boy was named Ganesan in acknowledgement. Ganesan’s younger brother was named Subramanian in keeping with the mythology. How ever, mythology did not say that Parvati i.e. shiva’s wife gave birth to these two gods. The story is that at a time when Parvati wanted to have an elaborate oil bath, she swept up the excess oil from her body and made a strongly built body guard to secure the entrance to her bathroom. He was instructed to keep guard and not allow anyone to enter. Incidentally, Shiva arrived sometime later and this strange guard blocking his way. There was some scuffle between the two. Then Shiva got enraged and cut the guard’s head with his trident and threw it far away. When Parvathi finished her bath and came out she saw the headless guard and Shiva still angry. When asked Shiva narrated the incident. Parvathi became sad with grief lamenting Shiva for beheading her only son. Shiva pacified her and ordered his Nandi to go out and get the head of the first living one. Nandi went out and found an elephant coming his way. He cut its head and took it to shiva. The later in turn received the elephant’s head fixed it on the headless torso of the guard. He came to life with an elephant head.

Subramaniam in Tamil and Skanda or Kumara in Sanskrit is the second son of Shiva and Parvati. The legend says that Indra and other gods in heaven were harassed and afraid of Taraka and his brother asuras appealed to Brahma god of gods to save the gods. Brahma responded saying that only Shiva’s progeny could defeat and kill them. But Shiva was doing penance after the death by Vedic ritual fire of his first wife sati and not in a mood to re marry. But sati is born as the daughter of Himavan theHimalaya Mountain. She is young and at present she is doing pooja to the same Shiva in that place. An arrangement to be made so that the two come together. At this response from Brahma, Indra ordered Kamadeva to interfere in Shiva’s penance and inflame love in his mind toward Parvati. The legendary love god complied and completed the task when he threw an arrow towards Shiva at a moment when Shiva opened his eyes and found the young Parvati before him. Shiva cursed him to be without a body, so he is called Ananga. Later both got married and went on a long honey moon. The honey moon lasted for some thousands of days or years and no progeny. Finally the exasperated gods sent the fire god Agni to approach shiva. The later was having a prolonged and serious love play with Parvati. Agni’s arrival interrupted the act Shiva ejaculated his semen on fire i.e. agni. He was unable to hold it and ran to the gods to save him. Meanwhile Parvathi cursed Agni to eat all polluted things beside theyajna havyas. Brahma told him to leave Shiva’s semen on the holy river ganga. But ganga also was unable to carry it and deposited the same at a place called Saravana where 6 Krithika Goddesses who were bathing in ganga water. The six goddesses became pregnant and gave birth to six boys. On getting the information goddess Parvati went to the place in ganga called Saravana, She gathered all the children together on her hands so the six bodies became one. The name Shanmukha signifies this episode. Later the god was known as Kartikeya as well as Saravanabhava. That is the story of Subramaniam. The tamil legend is somewhat different. That could be taken up at an appropriate occasion. The above is taken from the beautiful poetical composition titled Kumarasambhavam by the one and only Kalidasa in Sanskrit. I studied it in school.

Our House

Our house in the village was almost at the centre. It was a traditional type called Nalukettu comprising 4 main areas. In front a long veranda then a wide passage to go in. On the side were two grain or other strong area constructed in wood. Then the “mittam” an all purpose area open to the sky in the centre. Water is stored around here. Beside it is a hall where all functions are held, guest accommodated etc. There is another store room with a window to the veranda . The first passage, wood fitted and the other store with window are on the same line and there is an upper story that is used as bedroom for children. The upper part is accessed thru a wooden stair case on the side of “mittam”. The stair reaches a low ceiling area from where a door opens to bedroom (machumel).

Adjacent to the “mittam” is the work place are where the grains are threshed, ground etc. Parallel to it is a kitchen that is accessed from the hall. Behind the work area and kitchen is a low veranda where various house hold implements are kept for ready use. There is a ‘MORI’ as well where utensils are cleaned. Water storage vessel of various sizes are kept in that area. Outside of these is open kitchen garden with coconuts, mango tree, vegetable patches. Not all homes had wells. There was one in ours. All other house holds in that street got water from a common village well a few feet away. In our house the well had water throughout the year. At the end of the kitchen garden there was a cowshed. There were a cow and calf in my memory. These two were taken to Nemmara when our family shifted, later

SCHOOL DAYS:

Let me go back once again and try to recapture the childhood days. I remember my first day at school. I don’t remember what but there was something disappointing or disagreeable in the class and I ran out of the class and school leaving the single cloth I was wearing.

It was an elementary school for boys only from class one to four. The classes were not separated but conducted in one hall. We had a text book to study and slate and pencil to write. No paper or note book. The school was situated next to the row of houses at the southern end. Opposite side there was a girl’s only school. While the boy’s school had a tiled roof the school for girls was thatched roof. Both were offering free education for the first four years. The medium was Malayalam. There was nothing spectacular to the school life. The school celebrated the British King’s birth day with a procession going round the Brahmin village and adjacent areas. Flags and peppermint were distributed to children on the occasion. There was an anniversary celebration when students competed in several games and winners given prizes. I don’t remember having received any. Yes, there was one prize for being first in class 2^nd or 3^rd but not sure. The prize was an empty ink bottle.

Another event that comes to mind was a magic lantern show, precursor to later film show. Almost the whole village was there to witness it. Otherwise it was an uneventful school life.

The main village deity is ganapathy. The temple was a small structure right at the bank of a rivulet. All in and around the village took bath in the stream. In the rainy season water flowed full swift and fast. There used to be a temporary mud and thatch dam to trap water for summer. The dam get breached by rain water. It used to be reconstructed yearly thereafter. There were separate bathing ghats for Brahmin males and females and other castes as well

Three festivals were celebrated in the temple, the 9 days Navratri, the Vinayaka Chaturthi and chariot festival in Dec-Jan (on 10^th day of Dhanu month). The first was too modest. The village streets are divided into 9 sections and house holds in each will be contributing to the pooja and offerings for the evening. The offerings are both in snacks and sweets. They get distributed to devotees coming to the temple. On Vinayaka Chaturthy it is one common preparation. It is large size ‘ELAYADA’. This is distributed in 2 to each house in village and few will be issued to guest visitors to the temple, only Brahmins since, no one else is allowed entry to the temple premise. The chariot festival is an elaborate one when temple deity is taken on a procession. The first procession comprises 5 caparisoned elephants with all accompaniments early in the morning. This lasts for an hour or so. Then the deity is transferred into an elaborately festooned chariot. People drag the chariot assisted from behind by two elephants. The chariot will be stationed at the south end of the village street. House holders offer Nirapara ( a full measure) of grains, pulses, Neyyappam or other. These two events will be over in forenoon itself.

Then starts the mass feasts. A rich menu is served on plantain leaves. The service starts from the first house in street and goes on to next and next until all are fed, Brahmins first and other later. The feast may go up to 4 O’clock on so in the afternoon. Thereafter once again the chariot is dragged thru all the other streets and brought back to temple gate. Once again the deity is transferred on to the head of an elephants. The five elephants will be brought in front of the temple and this is called SEEVELI. This lasts near an hour. Then after bursting some fire crackers and show of fire works the deity taken down the temple sanctum for last pooja.

On the festival day a good number of people of all castes and religion assemble in the village premises, devotees, visitors, traders peddling wares and entertainment groups etc. Since these people are believed to pollute the village and the deity also, a ritual purification is conducted in the morning after the festival. The deity is taken on a un adorned elephant thru all the village streets. People throw turmeric mixed coloured water on the elephant all the way. Then the deity is taken down to be bathed in the stream before it was taken and installed in the sanctum of the temple.

Other events in the village:

On another occasion just days before the chariot festival all except Seshan got affected with skin infections a number of malignant eruptions all over the body making impossible to cover by cloth. Herbal oil and hot herbal bath every day and confinement at home naked. Thus we missed the celebration on that season.

On those days small pox was common. It is considered to be the result of curse from goddess Mariamma ( InMaharashtra the name is Mari Aayi). There are small temples some with a roof and many without. Families of affected visit and offer prayers at the shrine. There used to be no medical care except a bed of neem leaves. The afflicted is left alone in the care of one or two low caste pujaries who invoke the goddess thru special songs to the accompaniment of hand held drums.(uduku) This ritual goes on all day till the patient regain health or passes away.

Whenever a small pox affliction is known, the house hold and all others in the entire street vacate them to stay with others, a little distant from the location. I remember such an occasion when a whole street on the way to school was barred for walking thru. We took a long circuitous route, three or four times long.

At sometimes an official medical team visit the village for sign of any infectious disease. They also vaccinate small children against pox. Self also was vaccinated making a couple of round incisions on each arms. The vaccinated area swell and body temperature goes high for a couple of days. The lacerated wound take more days to cure and dry out. Modern methods are much more different and easier

One other incident I could recall is connected with father’s cousin sister and reconciliation with that family. Aunt was a widow and used to go out to work at others’ homes just like my own grandma This aunt had no son but two daughters. We called her ANKICHI ATHAI – not real name. At one time when athai’s 1^st daughter Seethalakshmy, was to deliver her 1^st baby, I think there was certain complications & athai came to grand mother and requested for help. I also think this event caused reconciliation. Thereafter, we started frequenting each other’s home.. But there was no such reconciliation with the two male cousins. We lost all touch with those two families thereafter.

The two events very hazy lingering in memory. One was an earlier event, when self along with the others of family visited an isolated farm house with a pond nearby. The occasion was some auspicious celebration in that house. I don’t recollect any names or their relation to us. The place was a big coconut grove with a lot of other fruit trees. The house was big and tiled and had wooden grilled long veranda on two sides. Also there was a parrot in a spacious wooden cage. All other details are missing from memory.

The second was again a visit to a smaller farm house. There were coconuts and other trees and one hut with thatched roof. There was a stream flowing on one side of estate and water was lifted to water the trees and shrubs. At a little distance was a shrine beside a pond with stone steps on all four sides. The name of this location eludes me. I think we remained there for two days cooking, eating and sleeping. Father was not present on both the occasions.

There are very few cultural events that I remember. We heard Kathakali performances in other far off places but never witnessed it in Kizhakkancheri. Once a year a Krishnanattam troupe used to visit and put a Kamsavadham show. The attam starts very late at night and goes up to early hours of morning. Men, women and children assemble to witness it. It was an open air show in the middle of the village. Children mostly slept thru the show but I recollect having witnessed it once. The story is too common to re-state here.

The shaivate festival ‘THIRUVATIRA’ is an auspicious day throughout south India. It is something special in Malayalee homes. Apart from visiting shiva temples the day is celebrated with songs and dance, mainly confined to ladies. The day comes in the month of Dhanu i.e. Dec-Jan. The nairs prepare and put up swings in their house compounds. Girls sing while swinging on them. It is called THIRUVATIRA PATTU and dance THIRUVATIRAKKALI. They train and rehearse for days in advance of the auspicious day. Girls and women go singing at very early morning to have their bath in the rivulet. This goes on for certain days. Thiruvatirakkali is performed usually in the evenings at one or others’ home compounds. It is also held in our village square.

There is one summer time event organised by nairs called Porattukali. It is a five day event. The performance starts very late at night lasting up to morning. Since, the venue is way out of our village only elder men used to attend it. On my days I did not witness it in Kizhakkancheri but at Nemmara in later years. There were large standing lamps brightly lit under a pandal. The performers go round the lamps. The items are done by two or a group of persons. The actors dress as different cast or professional groups and imitate their day to day life or profession. One dress and somewhat different from the group will ask questions to the group leader. The later in turn answer in prose at first and resort to a song to act out. All the times they will be going around the lamps. Some dance will be slow while some others most vigorous accompanies with drumming suitably. (The language of the dialogue and songs is not Malayalam but old Tamil that shows the tradition is old. There are a lot of tamil words and usages in spoken language in middle and south Kerala even today).

Apart from male gods, tamil Brahmins in Kerala worshipped goddesses Amman or Ambal meaning mother. There was a small shrine in Kizhakkancheri in which the priest was not a Tamil. Who or how the day to day poojas were managed is not known to me. Visits to that shrine was rare even though it situated by the side of the main temple.

I have heard that we in the family has one deity near Mylattoor named Thazhakkottu Kavu or temple of goddess. I remember visiting this Kavu along with mother & one brother (name eludes me)

Nairs around the area had there own temple i.e. KAVU in Malayalam where the deity is female, Bhagavathi. It might be a fierce one such as Kali or Bhadrakali. The annual festival in these shrines are termed “Pooram/Vela” Trichur Pooram for example. Nowadays this festival is shown alive in Malayalam TV Channels. There in Kizhakkancheri the Vela is observed with caparisoned elephants and elaborate fire works very late in night. It seem fire works are more important for the occasion. Later I understood that such pooram festivals are observed throughout kerala at place the nomenclature varies. The substance is fire works.

The government or the administration is represented in the village by a hereditary Brahmin officer named Adhikari. There were two uniformed sepoys under him. Villagers report all births and deaths in their family to the Adhikari. It seems that law and order also was under his jurisdiction. During my days I did not come across of any reports of thefts, fights, dacoits or murder in or around our village. Such reports were from far off places. In those times marriages were conducted for four days. There was such a marriage function at Adhikari’s family and some govt officers came to attend it in motor cars. They were curious exhibits to the village children. We hovered around it all day. Apart from this one occasion no car came to the village in my memory.

The village was too close to forests on the slop of southern hills and one or twice spotted tigers visited the village. People kept themselves indoors after dark. There were no street lights around the vicinity. In monsoon floods in the rivulet people used to see small forest animals or reptiles struggling to get out of the water. Many were just dead bodies. I have not seen any. Once a python escaped from the water and took refuge in a cow shed. It was killed and carried away by the Adhikari’s men. It is reported that they peeled its skin for selling and collected the fat to brew oil. It was supposed to be medicinal. They call it “PAMBIN NEIY” (snake ghee).( Kizhakkancheri too near to the forest and hills of south ghats. There were elephants in the forest but not too many. The rich nair chefs trap them into a ditch dug out and covered in the animal’s habitat. I remember two occasions when a wild elephant was trapped. The trapped one is lifted and strapped with the assistance of tamed ones and taken to elephant penns chained and tamed. Also once I went to see an elephant in the penn. The path from forest passed just outside our village).

People were extremely superstitious in those days. They believed in witch craft and resorted to it in order to bring bad luck or harm to ones adversaries. One such was known as ODIAN. The legend says that one or other from a lowest cast gets hold of an aborted foetus and then prepare a kind of eyeliner with a lot of mumbo jumbo mantras that is only known to them. It is said that when applied to one’s eye the man changes to be an animal and it will attack the persons found roaming alone at night. The objective is not clear but the belief was strong. It is also said that such odiyan turned animal could be spotted because there might have some serious deformity a missing ear, a bowed leg, missing tail etc. Also there was the belief that odiyan will not target people chanting mantra. Children don’t chant mantras and therefore they will not be allowed to go out at nights. Once a scare was created in the village about several odiyans roaming the area. I don’t know how it all ended. May be it was considered a law and order problem and dealt accordingly.

Something else: The yearly visit of chittesans a group ofDevotees visiting Tirupati temple. They were from telugulands. The significance and meanings are not clear. Another group called ayyappas come around the villages in December/January month. They were going on pilgrimage to Sabarimala in south travancore. Every now and then there comes a family group, carrying a Mariamman on head, the lady drumming and the man lashing himself with a leather thong. This is supposed to please the goddess of small pox. When the rains are late some people come around with thatched figure of a dead man dragging it saying that great sinner is dead O gods bring the rains. (Kodum pavi chethane,, koda mazhai peyyalaya ) All in good faith but superstitious acts.

There is nothing more I could recollect about life in Kizhakkancheri village. No friendship were kept and followed in later days. Some times in Bombay I was introduced to individuals from the village. Much later I heard of an organisation in Bombay made up of people from the village in my occasional talks with my elder brother in vashi. By sentiments he got connected to it. That organisation is said to arrange celebration of Ganesh Chaturthi with pooja and a feast. All that is said about earlier will show that life in the village was uneventful. Everything went on as per schedule and predictable.

DAYS IN NEMMARA:

When all the close relations assembled to conduct the last rites for the dead one, i. e. grandfather’s younger brother; I think father and grandma had consultations with grandma’s sister-in-law and her spouse to find a gainful employment locally. The later two were residents in NEMMARA at that time part of Cochin State. The place was developed one with good educational facilities. It was about 6 miles east of Mylatoor and the same distance north of Kizhakkancheri.

Father accepted a job of temple priest in one of several Brahmin village. The year must be 1935 or ’36. When I was in the fourth class in elementary school. A little digression here.

When shifted to Nemmare I was about 9 to 10 years age. Nemmara as stated earlier was part of Cochin State. It consisted a cluster of Tamil Brahmin villages and a sprawling settlement of nairs and castes, some untouchables. There was a long street of chettiar (Traders) houses adjoining the bazaar area. Two bus routes passed the bazaar, one Ayiloor-Palakkad and other Trichur-Chitoor. There were a few neighbourhoods’ primary schools, one for boys and another for girl’s middle and high school combined. Both were situated, at walking distance from anywhere in Nemmara. These two were English medium while primary ones were Malayalam. Fees were charged only in the boy’s high school. All were govt managed. Just a few days before shifting to Nemmara the thread ceremony-upanayanam was performed for my elder brother at Kizhakkancheri. I was made to approach all Brahmin houses to seek voluntary contributions. Many paid cash also. Some contributed materials. I don’t remember those details.

At Nemmara father got the appointment in two temples in one called New Village (Pudu Gramam) The village is of two rows of houses, face to face about 30-32 in number. At one end there is the main temple of Ganapathy and at the other a temple for Krishna. Just ahead of the temple there was common village hall right on edge of a large village pond used for bathing. Separated areas for Brahmin men and women of two villages and two more areas for the use of men and women of nair castes. No other cast were allowed to enter the pond. During rainy season the pond gets full and overflows. The water collected remains year round. I did not see it dried on any time during my stay there. But it was only 5-6 years.

Beside the pond there was another small shiva temple belonging to another village. Very few from New Villagevisit except on auspicious days such as SHIVARATRI. The time was school holidays. When we arrived at new village. Elder brother took training to conduct pooja from father who might have learned it in his early days. While father did the pooja in ganapathy temple brother did it in Krishnatemple.

Elder brother was to be put in the English medium middle school. The fee was something like five rupees per month for 10 months of the year. There was no money wages fortemple poojas. Only grain on annual basis. It seems that there was a talk about this at home in which it was decided that brother will go to English school and I should go to a Sanskrit school nearby. If financial position permits I also could go to English school. Seshan was put in primary where there was no fee. Rasamani and Ponnammalfollowed in their time.

SANSKRIT SCHOOL:

My school was in a hall partitioned into four classes by thatched partitioning. So it was not a high school. High classes for Vidvan certificate was in Tripunithura near the state capital Ernakulam a full day journey by bus from Nemmara.

I was admitted in the first class that was equivalent to the first year in middle school. The classes were held between 10 am and 4 p.m with one hour recess in the afternoon. The time is to go home for noon grub. The subjects consisted of learning to write Sanskrit in Nagari script (same as Hindi and Marathi), learn by heart, poetry, separating words for their meanings and grammatical identification, assembling the words in order to understand the meaning. In Sanskrit it is termed Padachedam, Padartham, Anvayam and Saram. Then there is one period daily to get acquainted with Sanskrit grammar. It is a very intricate and elaborate not easy to grasp. There were periods for Malayalam and English as well.

One of the texts that was in this class was titled Sriramodantam i.e. story of Sri Ram in Sanskrit poetry. It is a slim volume composed in very simple Sanskrit. Next year’s subjects were same but at a higher level. The text was Sri Krishna Vilasam. The stories of baby Krishna. Again it was all poetry, grammar, translations etc.

Apart from it one had to learn by heart the book. AMARA KOSHAM Sanskrit dictionary or lexicon in poetry. This text continued for next year as well. I learned it except the parts concerning medicinal names and verb.

During the third year both Malayalam and English were dropped and time was concentrated to Sanskrit. Both poetry and prose were thought. The poetry was that of Kalidasas Raghuvamsham the story of Ramayana dynasty. Prose was Dasakumara charitam a fable of ten princess. The grammar was in the form of rules. Students were thought composition in Sanskrit.

In the fourth class that ended the middle school level both poetry and prose were at higher levels. Sisupala vadham by poet Magha. The language and the construction of poetry was more complicated than the earlier three classes. The prose & poetry work of Bhoja titled champu Ramayanam was a text. It is again the Ramayana story but the emphasis was in descriptions of situations, moods, nature and war. But only two portions were taken namely Aranya and Sundara Kandas. There was separate book on grammar that introduced some elementary Panini sutras from Ashtadhyayi.

The number of students in my class in first year were about 23-25. The number became slimmer in next three years and in class 4 there were only nine or ten. They included two girls.

In all the four classes, there were two of us boys who stood first and second in class. If one was first in the half yearly exams the other was second. If my memory is correct I was first in class finals in 1^st and 4^th and 1^st in all half yearly exams. He was a nair boy and we were good friends. I also remember meeting him in army uniform in Matunga in 1944 or 45. Thereafter there was no contact. May be because our family shifted from Nemmara at that time.

There were some extra school activities. I was in one of them was frequenting a newly opened reading room very near to our village. There were lot of political moves and developments at national and state level. The movement for self government. Though an English daily “Hindu” ofMadras was available, I took to only Malayalam papers. All were available in the evenings and there will be a number of people waiting their turn to share the shots. It stimulated my reading habit. There were a couple of Malayalam weeklies where serious political and social reforms were discussed. Unlike today’s political debates those writings were calm and reasoned. My mind was surely turned to these discussions. They were of good intellectual quality. In our home I found a few tamil books which was read by mother and none of us knew the language. During a summer holidays the head master in our school announced to conduct classes to learn Tamil and I enrolled for it and learned to read and write in tamil. The lessons were elementary only. Our head master was a Tamil scholar and has translated the two Tamil classics ‘CHILAPPADIKARAM’ and ‘MANIMEKHALAI’. He presented the copies of the two to the half a dozen students of Tamil. He had a collection of past Malayalam monthlies which he allowed me to take home for readings. These were both literary and intellectual. The best writers and poets found place in those magazines. It was named “LAXMIBHAI”. Actually reading those issues of Laxmibhai was my intellectual food. It was something like library to me.

The first books of fiction I happened to read were in Tamil that were found at home.

There was a good friend of my own age but studying in English school. On holidays I used to frequent his house. Because of my studies in Sanskrit my friend’s grand father offered me his collection of Malayalam translations of Sanskrit books for reading. He also used to talk to me on the stories of those books. They were about a dozen. Reading them strengthens my studies in Sanskrit and I was able to use the language Malayalam more easily and fluently without specifically learning it in school.

There was only two friends from our village who were too close to me and all the three came to Bombay separately and revived our friendship. But later, I shifted from Matunga to chembur and also because of my political activities we lost touch with each other. I should once again say that my daily visit to the reading room helped in inculcating social awareness. The national movement for freedom from British rule was picking up on those days. I used to read all the Malayalam papers and tried to read and understand the meaning of the headlines in the English papers, such an effort helped to pick up strong English words but I wanted to read them full.

As recollected earlier that further education in Sanskrit needed going out and that was financial liability which my family was not in a position to bear. Elder brother was in the high school and he had to concentrate in studies to appear in public exams. In order to lighten his burden, myself and Seshan were initiated to be temple priests. It was necessary to have thread ceremony and the same was conducted together. I took up poojas in Krishna temple in the morning and Seshan in the evening. Elder was completely freed to pursue his studies. There were a lot of incidents whose details I could not recall today. But some linger in mind. Earlier I mentioned about my grandfather’s sister and brother in-law who arranged for our family to come to Nemmara. Later there was rift and we were keeping only formal contact with. There were boys and girls in that family none completed their school. After demise of the older two the family shifted to Tanjavoor in Tamil Nadu.

Also there was the family of mother’s elder cousin sister and family living in the village called Old Village. The man was employed in the main Krishna temple. They had two daughters and no son. This necessitated me or seshan to conduct pooja in that temple when uncle had some other engagements. The main annual occasion was the chariot festival lasting to two days on VAIKUNTA EKADASI and next day Dwadashi someday in December. On the first day the deity is taken on the decorated chariot from one end to the other end of the village. The deity remains on the chariot over night. It was my job to be present on the chariot after lunch and upto late evening. There will be people offering prayers and pooja for which they used to pay 2 of 4 annas (4 annas = 25 paise). Only flowers and no arati on the chariot. The light was a covered lantern fed with Til oil . It was kept secure away from breeze. My father will come late evening and relieve me to go home and come back in early morning to relieve him. Food was cooked and served to all on that second day. In the late afternoon the chariot is dragged back and after rounding two small curved line, it come back in front of the temple.

I said about uncle’s family of two daughters. The first one was good at studies. Both attended English school. The tradition is to marry off girls before puberty and it was followed in case of the first. She was taken out of school and married off to an elder man. The marriage ended dismal. The man deserted her in a strange (to her) place with a baby girl. I don’t know how she returned to her parents but she did. The second did not get any one to marry. Meanwhile uncle lost his employment in the temple thru a scandal involving a temple cleaning woman of VARIER (Malayali like menon, nair, varier) caste. I have no idea as to the fate of this family.

The one year after the fourth class in Sanskrit school was used to learn the ritual mantras in morning. Then to attend a private class in Sanskrit with our erstwhile head master of the school. We were three only myself and two girls. The texts were that of higher level preparing for entrance exams towards graduation as Vidvan i.e. scholar. Because this was considered to be not equal to the then MadrasUniversity graduate course. I was not serious to go thru this studies. But there was no other way. Afternoon were spent at the reading room. No students there but number of elderly. During that year I was reading a lot of books, literature, politics and social questions. A large number was literature. They were appreciative of puranic lores, the social, philosophy and criticism. These readings caused certain fluttering doubts in my mind but did not go beyond it.

AFTER SCHOOL:

In between there was an election to the legislative council in cochin state. There were two candidates. One from Prajamandalam and other from Cochin Congress. The second was a very conservative outfit, which I did not realise at that time. The candidate of cochin congress was a tamil Brahmin and he went around to speak in all the villages. I was one of the audience and also participated in the processions and rallies. I don’t remember his name today but he won the seat. Later he went abroad toSingapore. The second world war was spread to south Asia and Japan occupied Singapore and all other area. I have not heard about his fate thereafter. I only remember that he brought a touring cinema ( since there was no electricity the touring cinemas were using diesel generators), to the village in a summer seasons. In early years there were touring cinemas setting tents in the village. The films were mostly in tamil depicting stores from epics. When the film on Sri Krishna was shown the entire audience used to prostrate and pray, before the screen.

Nemmara being drought prone area the state established a water supply system from a tank and wells. The water was pumped to a tank on a hillock nearby and pipe lines were laid to all the habitats. The taps were public and no private connections were given. During our stay the state constructed a diesel generator to bring electricity. Apart from road lights, connection was given to individual homes. But very few availed it. The temple were connected to electricity . By that time second world war was already on. There was a lurking appreciation of Hitler andGermany for taking Britain Other European countries had colonies in Asia and the same was resented.

The war also brought out the seamy side of British Rule inIndia in the form of Defence of India Rules. All these came to our knowledge thru papers alone. The introduction of electricity brought in its wake, the radio. The local Panchayat set up an area for public garden, made seating arrangements and introduced relay of radio programmes and devotional. Both electricity and radio come to the area in 1939-40 or so.

There were not much cultural events during my stay in Nammara. All the cultural activities were confined to school anniversaries where pupils enacted some or other scenes from known dramatic plays, skits fancy dress and Kolattam (Malayalam dance) by girls.

The English schools arranged for English and Malayalam lectures by scholars from outside. The Sanskrit school arranged Sanskrit and Malayalam lectures. I remember one anniversary occasion in my Sanskrit school. Thee was the enactment of a scene from Pratima Natakam of Bhasa in Sanskrit. Only two characters i.e. Bharata and a guide. Mainly the guide was speaking. The theme is from Ramayana (that is not seen in Valmiki’s Ramayana) Rama, Laxmana and Sita have gone to forest. Dasaratha is dead. Messages were sent to Bharatha who was in his maternal uncle Kekaya’s place. He was not informed of the developments that ended with the death of his father. He arrived at the outskirts of Ayodhya. There was an ancestor’s hall, where statues of ancestors are displayed. Bharat enters the hall to view ancestors. There was a new statue among others. The guide explained that the statue was of Dasaratha. There were four or five of us to act as statues. We were instructed not to stir. I think I made some visible move for which I was admonished later. That was the first and last for my acting ‘career’.

There was a family of singers and once the father, (bhagawathar) sons and daughters all together formed a troupe and enacted the drama; Nalla Thangal. It is Tamil classic. It was also tragic but I don’t remember the story at all. Book may be still available in Tamil. The story was one of the earliest Tamil film. There were other films such as Ouvaiar, Pattanathar, Nandanar.

I also remember that certain famous for their time Tamil Drama troupe visited Nemmara and staged a number of plays in a specially prepared hall. The items were Nalla Thangal, Kovilan Kannaki, Valli Thirumanam and one or two else. Since, they were staged late at night in a far off place boys like me were unable to visit the shows.

Apart from annual temple festivals and ritually auspicious days there were no regular social cultural events to recall. PUTHU GRAMAM celebrated Ganesh Chathurthy in a grand manner. The festivals in Krishna and Shiva temples were of low key. In the first it was Janmashtami and in second it was Shivaratri. They were not at all noisy. In Pazhaya Gramam (old village) it was chariot festival. There was a small temple of Varadaraja Perumal in the same village but I don’t recollect any festival conducted there. Krishapuram is smaller village of a few houses and has small temple for Ambal i.e. mother. On many days I did conduct poojas there but no festival days. The three villages named here were adjacent to each other. A fourth larger and said to be rich village named Kañi Mangalam was a little far off west to ours. One has to cross rice fields to reach there. This village had two temples one for shiva and other to his son Subramanian or skanda.No festival comes to mind other than Skanda Shashti. There was feast in the morning and taking the deity in procession in the evening. The boys do not wait for evening procession after taking food in full. Another temple festival was in Ayiloor some 2-2 1/2 miles west of our villages. The festival celebrated is on Thiruvathira (Dec.Jan). There were five caparisoned elephants accompanied with all paraphernalia. Then the deity is transferred to a decorated chariot that is pulled around temple itself. Also there is feast. In the late afternoon again procession of elephants. Boys from our villages don’t wait for the evening show of fire works but return home. In Ayiloor though Tamil Brahmin number is more and their houses surround the temple from all sides people going one side to other have to go thru the temple compound only. The temple itself is not theirs but of the state.

Mylatoor our supposed ancestral village has only one temple that of Ganapathy. There is only one grand festival with three elephants. It is called Utsavam and I don’t recollect the month but was during school holidays. I attended it twice or thrice. Once, I climbed on the elephant at late evening. There were fire works at night. It seemed fun. I also recollect keeping awake very late at night listening to THAYAMBAKA a solo play on the long drum with two or three accompaniments (Thalam & Kombu) . 1^st is a long drum and 2^nd a blower. It was sweet hearing in the stillness of the night. There was no noise to be heard anywhere. I never had any other occasion to experience it. Of course the Malayalam Channels sometime carry a half hour programme but the experience is not same. In Nemmara the main and important non-Brahmin temple festival is VELA. There are two parties to it. Nemmara and Vallangi. The time April-May. There are five caparisoned elephants each. The first processions start in the afternoon and finish in the evening. The second start late in night going beyond mid night. Both processions start from different places and converge at the Devi temple. They face each other in the maidan. After a long drawn drum beet competition, the elephants are moved out of the area and away before the fire works start. This is also very much competitive. So many designed fire works. They continue till dawn. There after the elephants are brought to re-assemble. Each party go round the temple in single file because there is little space around. That is the final of the festival.

As in Kizhakkancehri there was PORATTUKALI in Nemmara also which I viewed twice or thrice. The main characters were almost the same but variation in their dress and also dialogue and signs. It was entertaining and hilarious.

Once father took me to view a Pavakkoothu, shadow play at a place a little off from the village. It was another kind of temple ritual and late at night . There was a long white screen behind which was a row oil lamps lit. Masters stand behind lamps with characters and act out the play. It was Ramayana. Cut out of Rama, Laxmana, Hanuman, Ravana and all others from Ramayana were between the screen and lamp. There shadow falls on the screen and they are animated by unseen hands viewing the shadow on the screen give the idea of action. The play is accompanied by narrative and songs in old tamil. Only once I witnessed it and remembered very late when shadow plays were staged in Bombay. I don’t know whether the songs were from Rama Katha paattu or Kannassa Ramayanam – two oldest Tamil Malayalam mix – or from Kamba Ramayanam again an old Tamil classic.

There were one or two Hari Katha Kalakshepam- telling stories from puranas accompanied with songs, harmonium and mridangam organised in our own village. No stage but the open street.

Earlier I mentioned about child marriages among tamil Brahmins. They are very particular not only of horoscopes but the gotram and sub castes. Both are being considered by Brahmins all over India as could be seen from matrimonial advertisements in all main national dailies. There were some instances when the girl or boy had no male elders to ascertain a gotra it became difficult to get a match. The solution is to adopt them some nearest relation and assign the gotra of the adopter. But when no horoscope is prepared a usual practice is to prepare a packet of white flowers and another of red. Both packets are placed in front of the temple deity before conducting the main pooja deeparadhana b. Afterwards the packets are placed in plate and brought before the devotees. The youngest child among them is asked to pick up one of the packets. If packet contained white flowers it is assumed that the proposed match is blessed by the deity and red the opposite. There was a neighbour girl past the usual marriage age. One of her hand was a little defective. This coupled with her horoscope was coming in the way of all proposals. She was a fatherless girl. Thru advise from some, they concealed her horoscope and at one point a boy’s family was willing to accept her provided the deity agreed for the match. They came to father in the temple and proposed to make flower packets and place it before the deity at the time of main pooja and arati. When a youngest girl picked up a packet from the plate and opened it found to contain white flowers. All were pleased and in due time the marriage was consecrated. After many days and months the subject of matching by flowers came as a talking point at home. My father divulged the fact in the above particular case he did remove the red flower from that packet while the door of the shrine was closed before Aarati and put white flower and repacked. Thus flowers contained in both packets were white. He justified his act on compassionate grounds and he was sure that god himself directed him to do it. One might be pragmatic at the same time god fearing. I think I have exausted my memories in describing the life lived in Nemmara a conventional one.

I left out one incident. It was connected with our blind faith and superstitions. The occasion Thai Poosam. This auspicious day comes in Jan-Feb. Subramanya is the son of shiva and Parvati. Thai poosham is his birth. There is special festival at PAZANI in tamil nadu. Some few people celebrate the day at home in New Village with pooja and naivedyam. I was asked to do an elaborate pooja at one home. Pooja was performed before a framed calendar picture of the god. During or at the end of the pooja some may feel possessed of the god. I deliberately imitated the act of possessed . It was so convincing some people prostrated before and wanted me to forgive them and bestow blessings. It was a play act for myself. Think if continued with such play acting the public would have crowned me as a godman and that could turn out to be a life , profession. We see a lot of godmen all round here inIndia. They advertise their miracles in newspapers and TV. There are four such channels available here. Others carry occasional programmes. Leave it at that of godmen all round here in India. They advertise their miracles in newspapers and TV. There are four such channels available here. Others carry occasional programmes. Leave it at that.

BRAHMIN GOTRAM:

Looking back at those five years in Nemmara today I do feel that my mental abilities improved to a point where I was thinking beyond the text books thought at the school. Still it was very conservative centred on caste and Brahmin superiority. This was almost accepted and acknowledged by all round. The thread worn by the Brahmins is the main sign and identity. I wanted to go further in learning Sanskrit not for any high employment opportunity. There was none higher than a high school teacher but to search and find the roots of superiority claimed by Brahmin. I thought of finding the meaning of rituals and how such rituals bring desired results. For every objectives there are rituals prescribed in the books. Today it looks too farcical. Incidentally, let me try to tell something about the Tamil Brahmin in kerala. They are few to the north of Palakkad. May be the majority are in Palakkad and adjacent districts in the then cochin state. There after there are a few up to Thiruvanantapuram in south Kerala. Beyond that is Tamil Nadu. As I mentioned earlier Palakkad is situated in the wide gap in western ghats, the geography is continuous to Coimbatore at the north and Pollachi, Pazhani at the east. The concentration of Tamil Brahmins in this area is understandable. The time when they emigrated here and how they acquired so much property built temples and villages is not written in any history book. Still I assume the event may not be more than four or five hundred years past. However there are some historical records from 9^th and 10^th centuries A.D. that local chieftains or kings invited communities of Brahmins from Karnataka, Konkan and Maharashtra and endowed entire villages to them. But such groups were much earlier from areas further north. In course of time they all became keralites. They are called Namboodiries. Most of them are Rig Vedic Brahmins, while their tamil counter parts are Krishna Yajurvedies. There are no marriage relations between the Brahmin groups. They consider each other as lower in status. The Adi Shankaracharya was a namboodiri and the legend says that he drafted rules and enforced them among Namboodiries as well as all other Malayalees. Actually there is little research and findings on these matters stated here. This brings an un-natural gap in our knowledge.

All over India Brahmins are grouped to several gotra. All gotras claims three ancient sages from whom they are descended. There are innumerable sages in ancient times. Some sages belong to several gotras. In some two are common. But one combination may not repeat in another. However, there is on gotra that claims five sage instead of three. That is Srivastsa gotra to which our family belongs. In this I find a little contradiction. The five sages are named Bhargava, Chyavana, Aaplavana, Aurva and Jamadagnya. In this five the first and fifth are the names of Parasurama. Then how five? Among Brahmins there are sub castes and they consider each other inferior in ritual status. The main groups among tamil are Vadama, Brihatcharamam, Vadhyama, Ashtasahasram and Saraswat or Tulu. The order is in terms of population. Even today many refuse marriage from other groups.

Our family was in Brihatcharanam. The meaning is longer leg. How confusing is this? According to grand ma, Brihatcharanam is high in the order and in this Kandaramanikyam Brihatcharanam is on top. (As per my understanding there is one called Mangudi which is considered inferior to former.) She never explained this Kandaramanikyam to us. May be she had no ideas. Later, when I started reading Sanskrit literature I came across a book titled Viswagunadarsa champu a work of prose and poetry. The work is surely a scholarly one which contained legends from Tamil Nadu. The book was printed in grantha lipi. This might be an evidence that in south Sanskrit is written in letters similar to tamil and not in Nagari as is popular today. A lot of Vedic ritual mantras are published in granthalipi even today. That aside, the book Viswagunadarsa champu contained a very lengthy description of river Kaveri and its deltas in Tanjavoor. It also described a village named Kandaramanikyam on the banks of Kaveri. The village is said to be inhabited by scholarly Brahmins who were respected and worshipped by kings of tamil nadu. The book listed names and the subjects of their scholarships beside Vedic. I don’t recollect the person and place where from I got the book for reading . Later I lost interest and did not pursue. In 2003 when I was in Madras, I made enquires with a reputed Sanskrit book sellers. Surprisingly, they have not heard anything about this book. So let us give three cheers to Kandaramanikyam, Brihatcharanam.

(We have from the first half of the 16th century a kāvyawork titled

Viśvāgunadarśacampū by a Venkatādhvarin, identified as “an orthodox Śrī Vaishnava Tamil Brahman” (Rao et al 1992: 1)

his name ādhvarin deriving from adhvaryu, the main śrauta priest and belonging to the Yajurveda. Purporting to be an aerial journey over the Tamil country by two gāndharvas, conversing between them on the earthly sights below, the poem is an objective representation of the final Aparaśikhā ‘possession’of the Tamil country, an aerial map literally laid over the territory of the Pallava-Chōla and subsequent grāmadeya epigraphy about the Aparaśikhā Brahmans. The gāndharvas begin their peninsular journey at the Karnataka Aparaśikhā centers at Udupi and Melkote and, flying due east to Tirupati, the most important, by the time of the poem, vadakalai, and thus all-Aparaśikhā, center of Tamil Śrīvaishnavism, they turn southward and retrace the path of the Aparaśikhā immigration, covering the entire region of the Pallava and Chōla epigraphy, starting with Kanchipuram in the northeast, coming to the Kaveri river banks stretching from Śri Rangam through Tanjavur to Kumbakonam in the east, the Tanjavur-Kumabakonam-Mannarkode area, and south to the Tāmravarnī delta (Map V after Map 1 in Rao [1992] et al.) The gāndharvas notice the author’s village, Vīskāranya, not far from Ramanuja’s village at Sriperumbudūr, both in all likelihood villages of the Pallava-Chōla gramadeya system, a system the Nāyakas continued.

We know that poets like Venkatādhvarin above found patronage with the Nāyaka

chieftains, the latter, Telugu-speaking, coming south to the Tamil country with the

dissolution of the Vijayanagara empire, and establishing themselves as rulers there, the “little kings” eventually with “hollow crowns”. Indeed Venkatādhvarin is himself linked to the Senji Nāyakas, and his poem partakes of what has been identified with the Nayaka ethos cebteribg around theme of the “unknown, unpedigreed warrior who,ights his way into power and a kingdom of his own” (Rao et al. 1992: 7). Moreover, the Nāyaka courts produced “an enormous corpus of Sanskrit works, reflect[ing] the accumulated erudition of late medieval south India” (336), altogether a fitting environment for what P.P.S.Sastri has called the “Nāyaka excesses” of the Grantha-TeluguMahābhārata.)

TO SANKRIT STUDIES:

Now the story shifts out of Nemmara. First it was decided that I should go to Madras and find out the conditions to join the reputed Sanskrit college at Mylapur, a Brahmin dominated suburb. In those days it was not a crowded area unlike today. In 1941 my father’s cousin Ramanathan was in madras. He was informed of my objective in coming to madras. On his consent to help, I left Nemmara with an elderly man employed in Madras. After an overnight train journey we reached Madras in the morning. The gentle man took me to a nearby hotel or lodge where he was employed to take a bath and break fast. Again he took me to the office where uncle was working. The uncle in turn arranged horse drawn van to take me to his residence in Triplicane a little further. The driver reached me to the address given to him. I was welcomed in the house by my aunt and her mother-in-law i.e. my grandma’s sister-in-law. More than 15 days left for the college to open. So I had time to go around town to several places during the day. Most of the times I walked around some times using the electric tram for transport. Every evening I walked to famous Triplicane beach to enjoy scene and breeze. It was for the first time I viewed the vast blue ocean. The waves were rolling upon one another. The beach was wide shady. It was a new experience away from dreams. There was another that comes to mind. I mentioned my mother’s cousins at Chittoor earlier. One of those was employed as a professor in Loyola College in Madras. I was given the name of this cousin and the college he worked. One day visited the college nearby Mambalam Rly. Station a suburb. It was a huge complex with several buildings. I went around almost everywhere and enquired about the professor by name. I did not find any who could give a positive response. Some asked about the faculty or department where he worked. But I had no idea about such things. Another day also was wasted with no results. There was nothing more to do. When the Sanskrit college opened after holidays, I alone went there and contacted the authorities. No fee is charged but boarding and lodging was a problem. The matter was conveyed to father at home by post. On receiving the letter father came toMadras. He was there for a day and left to Thiruvaiyaru taking me along. Thiruvaiyaru (blessed five branches of Kaveri in its delta) in Thanjavoor dist (then Tanjoor) had a Sanskrit college run by Madras govt. It was a reputed one in Tamil Nadu. Tuition was free also boarding and lodging. The college was supposed to be funded by the erstwhile rulers of Tanjore i.e. chola kings. But now under the govt. under the pressure of the national as well as Dravidian movement the original Sanskrit college was reformed as acollege of Sanskrit and tamil studies. The college was housed in a huge two story palace just on the side of Kaveri some parts abutting into the river. The front compound was a forest of trees uncared and unkempt.

At the time I was admitted in college the congress ruled govt. took a decision abolishing separate Brahmin and non Brahmin kitchen in the college hostel. This was not accepted by Brahmins under the advise of then Kanchi Shankaracharya whose representative came and talked to the Brahmin students. He arranged a kitchen outside the college and some lodging. The number of Brahmin students were less than 12 and they were all senior to me. I was the only Brahmin new entrant. All other Sanskrit students were from Kerala but no Tamils. The tamil classes were full with local students.

On reaching Thiruvayaru father and self stayed in a restaurant where father was employed in his younger days. We stayed there for 2 days. I was admitted to the college and then to the Brahmin kitchen but no lodging. One of the senior students helped to find a free accommodation in the niche of a veranda of a rich man’s house. Father took leave to go home. Thus started a one and half year of college life.

The syllabus was at a higher level than those I was familiar in the last five years. They were:

1. Poetry Kiratarjuneeyam by Bharavi a tough and verbose.

2. Kadambari a prose work Bana Bhatta complex theme with pages long sentences.

3. Grammar a voluminous commentary on Panini titled Sidhanta Kaumudi by Bhattoji Dikshitar. Not easy to digest.

4. Tarka samgraha a text on reasoning, analysis and ontology (concerned with nature of being).

I was supposed to go on studying all these and a couple more later (that included Prataparudriyam a drama on the life and time of King Pratapa rudra of Kalinga today’s Orissa). The exam to take place at the end of two years and graduation thereafter.

Apart from Sanskrit classes we were asked to attend an English class every evening. The language was not in our syllabus but to the tamil students. Some days used to attend and some times just missed it. The senior students were not attending the class.

Both senior and junior (I was the only one in the group) Sanskrit students used to gather in seniors lodge (two terrace rooms facing Kaveri) and talk about college our studies about future. Some of us Keralites introduced politics on some days. But that was not a favourite topic. To my knowledge no newspaper came to the college and no one claimed to read any. So our knowledge of the political situation was out of date. Some of us were surely sympathetic to Gandhi and Nehru. I did not hear about Subhas Bose at that time. All that came much later. There were no other significant events during the first year in college. Christmas vacation was for 15 days but I took leave from college one week earlier and went home for holidays.

Thiruvaiyaru is the place where the carnatic classical maestro Thyagaraja was born and lived. I visited the old home. It was simple one just like homes in the our village. One middle aged man and family a descendent of the great singer. Thyagaraja composed songs (Kirtans) in praise of Srirama of the Ramayana. For him Rama was not just a deity but the vedantic Paramatma. There is no story or episodes from Ramayana in his compositions but deep philosophical discourse and prayers. Since originally Thyagaraja was from Telugu Brahmin family from Andhra all the compositions are in Telugu. Three Karnatic composers are recognised as greatest. 1. Thayagaraja. 2. Shyama Sastrigal and Muthuswamy Deekshitar all three contemporaries.

Thyagaraja died at thiruvayaru and a samadhi is built where he was cremated on the banks of Kaveri. In later years disciples and devotees organised a four day annual music festival on that grounds. It is said that all famous not so famous even students take part in the festival with no fees. The last day was the mass singing of the five most famous composition of the maestro. As far as 1940s when radio broad casting came to the province, the mass singing was broadcast alive and when TV came it took to live telecast of the event. The anniversary used to fall on ‘THITHI’ based on the faces of moon. Sometimes it so happens that thithies are observed on separate days from one place to another. I wanted to return to college to attend on the last day’s event but landed in Thiruvayaru a day late. Unfortunate. After that there was no going to the place.

Then after the annual (formal) exams in April 1942 I came back home.

When I went back to the college in June ’42, the Kanchi Mutt refused to take me to the kitchen saying the facility was to students who were present when the kitchen was separated. I was a new comer. I went to the restaurant where father used to work once and narrated the news. The owner who belonged to Vakakkancheri consoled me and allowed me to stay in the premise and also avail breakfast, lunch and dinner until my father arranges for some alternative. The political situation was changing in the country and its echoes were heard in Thiruvayaru as well. There were political meeting which many of the students attended and listened to speakers. In the college premises my seniors sympathised with me but they were absolutely powerless to do anything to remedy the situation. June & July past. August came with political temperature at a high. On August 7 or 8 there was a mass meeting and demonstration in the streets. There were police all around. Some arrests and prohibition on meetings. I have no idea on what happened at the college but gates were seen closed. There was no news. On my own I decided to go to Tanjavoor 5 or 6 miles far on foot. Some bus service was operating but no trains. The QuitIndia Movement was spreading. Railways were badly affected thru sabotage.

END OF FORMAL EDUCATION:

I mentioned about grand mother’s sister-in-law’s family shifting to Tanjore. During the first year college I was advised to check my vision at Tanjore Ophthalmic hospital. This necessitated staying there a few days with that family. They were absolutely poor. When I found trains not running I took refuge with them. There was no sign of normalcy and therefore I was urged to take a job to earn some money to go home. It was in a small restaurant in the vicinity of the courts. The work was wet grinding in the evening and service in the mornings. Since , the area was in an isolated plot customers start coming late when courts starts work. I was there for about 15 days or so. Railways started running trains in day time. I stopped working collected some wages. I bought a ticket and boarded a train. It was a slow train stopping long at all stations. I was to change train at Dindikal junction. The next train started late and ran upto Pollachi junction. It was almost dark. Passengers were not allowed to remain in the station. The police or was it army forced out all. There was prohibitary orders on the streets. I don’t exactly remember where I took refuge in the night with a luggage of a trunk and beddings. It must be some secluded shop varanda in dark. May be there were a couple of others. I came back to the station. The train was standing on the platform and as others I also occupied for onward journey. The train chugged of and before long alighted at Kollankode station. Nemmara is away an hour’s journey. I reached home in the evening to the surprise of all. One night’s journey was completed in two days and one night. No food all the way. Only water.

Elder brother was away in Bombay and he got a job with the then STANDARD VACUUM OIL COMPANY (SVOC) for short. For myself further education was bleak. Once again I was frequenting the public reading room. There were talks about the on going World War II. I heard of some known young people joining the army. There was an intensive recruitment drive to the army. I thought of changing the track but was apprehensive to mention it in family. One day a father’s cousin on grand ma’s side visited us at Nemmara. He undertook to take me toPattambi Sanskrit College and find possibility of continuing my studies. The route to Pattambi was thru Vadakkancheri by bus. When reached there the college was on vacation and no one to enquire about . The uncle reached me Vadakkancheri and asked me to back home as he himself walked to Kizhakkancheri.

TO MILITARY TRAINING:

I did not go back to Nemmara but took a bus to Trisoor. There was army recruitment there which I know from newspapers. W hen I reached there after enquiring with people the office was closing. They asked me to come on next day. Trisoor was absolutely new to me and I had no money to spend on accommodation. I walked all the way to railway stations where I got something to eat. I thought of spending the night there before venturing anywhere. After some time a train arrived going to Madras. On the spur of the moment I boarded the train without ticket. Then I remembered a permanent army recruitment office functioning at Coimbatore. When the train reachedcoimbatore I alighted and stayed on the platform for the whole night. It was a busy station with crowds of passengers. I took a nap on a bench. Again coimbatorewas an unknown place to me. In the morning I washed myself in a bathroom and left out without any one questioning. I wandered around to find the recruitment office enquiring with people. I was there when the office was opened. A number of people were lining up and I also joined. When the turn come I faced the officer. The dialogue was in Tamil. He asked many questions. At the end he informed that there is no suitable place to me for the present and I should come again after a week or so. I returned to the station towards evening. Station food was cheaper than outside. That helped in conserving the few coins in my hand. Then a train came that was going toMadras. Again I boarded it thinking that I could follow father to get some job in a restaurant. I slept on the train the whole night. At early morning the train halted at BasinBridge junction just before Madras Central. The ticket checkers came in the coach and I was caught without ticket. There were many more of same status. All were ushered into another compartment with a couple of police guards and taken to Madras Central. There all were produced before court. I was questioned about my ticketless travel to which I agreed. I along with others taken to the central prison nearby and locked. All were stripped naked their cloths bundled and marked to be kept stored. Name and other details were recorded both in the court and prison. I think it was about seven days. Food was issued thru some gruel (Kanji) rice and little vegetable. Boys like me were ordered to do odd jobs like grinding grain, folding washed clothes and carry them to the store and fetching this and that to the prison guards. They mostly long term prisoners. They used to take attendance twice a day. At the end I was called one morning asked to collect my cloths and go out. It feels odd remembering them.

I had no idea of what to do , where to go. I walked on and on throughout the day and reached public garden where I rested for some time. No food or water. Then I spotted a (Brahmanaal Hotel) a small restaurant. It was late evening and very few people. I approached the man manning the counter and explained to him my position. No food, no money, no job and nowhere to go. He was kind and asked me to stay there at night as he ordered his people to give me food and lodging for the night. Next day morning after a bath, wearing the same unwashed clothes I left the place and walked on aimlessly. On a narrow line of the mainMount Road (Annasalai today) some elderly person stopped and asked me whether I was a son of Narayana Iyer, Kizhakkancheri. I identified myself when he conveyed that my father was working in the same restaurant before which we were standing and talking. I told him all my unlucky adventures and my wish to work some where. There were other people known to father. All of them advised me to go back home since work in any hotel or restaurant was hard and tiring. One of them gave me a second set of clothes. The restaurant was a spacious one and all the time crowded. It was situated in main business district. The employees resided in the main store area across the lane. I think that our good Samaritans appraised the owner who was a vadakkancheri Iyer. During the recess at night they all talked to me to plan a future. Finally they agreed with me to go into the army. So I sought the army recruitment office and presented myself before an officer. My height and weight were taken. They were some aspirants there warned me about age and mention age as past 18 though I was just 16. At the end I was recruited to Indian Army Ordinance Core (IAOC) as a trainee, (those recruited were asked to put their thump impressions on papers brought by the officer). On the same evening all were asked to assemble at Madras Central to be taken to a Training Institute at Anantpur. When the news was conveyed my elderly friends wished me good before I took their leave. At Madras Central all boarded a train to Bombay along with an officer from recruiting office. He had all our papers. Next day morning we were asked alight at GUNTAKKAL Junction and change to another train. The officer arranged for some breakfast and coffee on the platform. All again boarded a train to Anantput. When reached the institute we were paid some advance and advised to get in touch with a small eatery nearby. That was the arrangement for rest of my stay there. No lodging was arranged. So self and a Ceylonese teamed and got one room in a house a little away. That was residence for rest of the days.

Next day we presented ourselves at the institute. There again was documentation and medical check up. Then one by one presented before a tailor who measured each to stitch uniforms.

I was told that I am to be trained as an engine driver and my ceylonese colleague as a machinist. The institute was a long hall parted into three sections. One had several oil engines another a fitter’s shop and third machine shop. In the engine section there were two tamilian instructors who took care to give us an idea of the engines, its parts and how they fit each other and function. It was all practical and manual training. The timings were morning 9 a.m to 1 p.m. for 15 days and 1 p.m. to 6 p.m in the next 15 days. Sundays were holidays. When uniforms were distributed we were called for morning drill from 7 to 9 a.m. When training was in the afternoon and when training session was in the morning the time for drill was evening 5 to 7 p.m. Since the eatery was near there was not much problem for lunch and dinner. The man managing the eatery was a Malayalee married to a telugu women and settled in Anantapur for years. He kept something special rice preparation or vegetable for some of us Keralites. After settling in the place I forwarded a detailed information to my parents at home. Thereafter regular communication continued thru post. I remained at the institute for six months some time between December 42’ and June 43’. The training imparted was manual and practical. Engines were dismantled and assembled more than once and cranked to start. Thus some kind of skill in operation maintenance of engines was learned. At the end of six months trainees were grouped and sent to Bangaloreto be assigned to appropriate departments at the war fields. The Japanese at the boarders of India-Burma. The African front-Ethiopia was active. So there was every possibility to be sent without much training. I was a little scared of the prospect.

At Bangalore cantonment, they sanctioned 15 days leave to go home and report back in time. They also issued rail warrants for a return journey. Then Bangalore to Jolarpert to Palakkad. I slept thru Jolarpet-Palakkad and missed to get down at station. When I woke the train was past the station. It was early morning and a ticket checker asked me for ticket. He told me Palakkad is past and demanded payment. The next stop was Shoranoor where I was asked to get down and wait for a train back. I did get down and bought another ticket. Some time later a train came and taking it I came back to Palakkad. Thus a bus journey to Nemmara. Home for 2 weeks.

Because the day was inauspicious for long journeys I was late by one day. At Bangalore I was sent for a medical test. There was problem with vision. I don’t know what. But I was told to go back and report Anantpur. That night I boarded the train to Anantpur and reported at the institute. There I was offered further training there on a very reduced stipend. Not an army but civilian assignment. The alternative was relieving. I choose relief . The officers gave me a certificate for the period of training and railway pass to Palakkad. Bangalore-Jolarpet-Palakkad. This time I boarded a later train that arrived in Palakkad after sunrise. Again to Nemmara by evening.

This was not the last of this part of the episode. Within a week or so after I had a chance meeting with an acquaintance who was a home guard-civil side of army and he told me that there is an enquiry from army quarters at Bangalore for not returning on time. I told him about what actually happened in between and now I am discharged from army training. He explained to me that it will be good for myself to approach the station officer and explain the position before the police comes to our house for enquiry. We both went together to the police station. The officer was there and he listened to my story but said I that should stay in the station. He will seek clearance to my release with higher up. I agreed. I requested the Home Guard to convey the information to my people and get my certificate from institute as proof. Because of my ignorance I did not obtain a discharge letter from army. I remained in the station. My food and bed was brought from home. Next morning another officer came and checked my statement that was recorded at night and looked into the certificate. He advised that I should contact the institute and get the discharge letter and present it at the station to close the matter. I came back home. In the next few days I received the discharge order from the army command in the institute. The letter was shown to them for their record. So the matter was closed. A six month adventure, otherwise nothing significant happened to remember. During the stay in Anantpur, there was little interaction with the people of the region who were Telugu speaking. I learned a few words and sentences in Telugu and that is all. I was completely cut off from all that were happening in the country, very little about the world war II that was still on. But that were just stories from people in the army. No newspapers or radio. I did not stop thinking about my own future. Though I was still interested to continue my studies the same was an impossibility due to financial constraints. Finally seeking a job was the only alternative. I expected the training certificate will be of some advantage.

TO BOMBAY & EMPLOYMENT:

In September 1943 I was 17 years old. In October or so it was decided that I should go to Bombay where elder brother is employed. He was informed of the date of departure from home. I myself took off to Palakkad and got a ticket to Bombay. In those days there was no direct train to Bombay and one should brake journey at AARKONAM junction, the catch a train from Madras toBombay more than 24 hours away. On next day by noon I arrived at Dadar where brother was waiting on the platform. He hired a tonga to Matunga where he was sharing an accommodation. Within the next few days I shifted to another place. Bachelor accommodation. During the next two three weeks a hunt for employment. One of the contractors/dealers connected with SVOC gave a letter of introduction to the Ravalgaom Sugar farm at Kalyan away from Bombay. The farm was connected to the well known Rawalgaom Sugar Factory. The farm was too far of from Kalyan Station in a rural area. It was actually a dairy with a number of buffaloes and cows and a milk processing factory. They were operating a few engines in the premise for various functions. The person concerned took me around the place, showed the machines and activities there. The dialogue was a mixed Hindi-English. What I understood was that duty in 24 hours in two 12 hrs shift. No weekly off and no arrangement for food. Accommodation with the group of farm workers in a shed. The man asked to think all of it and give my consent next day. The farm hands gave me a couple of roties and dal to eat for lunch and for dinner. I stayed the night and it was cold. Somehow the night passed. I took leave saying that I would consult my brother before I accept the job in the farm. I got back to Bombay.

After talking to brother, we came to the view that job at Kalyan is too inconvenient for myself. After a few days another dealer a Gujarathi with an orchard in Umbargaon a few stations beyond Virar. One day he took me along to his gaon. He had a big home and his family. The place was a long way from station and journeyed the distance in a horse drawn cart. I had food, the first taste of Gujarathi and stay at his house for the night. The orchard was near the station Palghar. There were chickoo and many other fruit bearing trees. Water was distributed by pumping water from a ditch made in a stream. Naalaa.- thru operating a diesel driven engine. The pump was not used in rainy season. I was deputed along with the other workmen there to put back the engine and pump for use. It was manual labour. I was new to the job though skilled somehow we all together put it in operation by evening. I stayed in the shed sharing food with other workmen.

Next the dealer and self boarded a train back to Bombay. There was no talk about the job. Again self and brother confided. We decided to seek a job in city itself. Brother sought out a list of companies who get diesel from company. He prepared separate applications to all and I went around their city offices requesting for job. It dawned on me that none of them are using any engine for operations but electric motors which need no operator. That was complete disappointment. The new year came and luck visited. The supervisor-Head Clerk- under whom brother was working, who also knew about my position conveyed to brother that there was some vacancy in company’s Mazgaon Terminal, and he gave a letter addressed Terminal Superintendent. My brother guided about the location. I went and submitted the letter in the office. The office supervisor one Mr. D’Souza directed me to the time keeper Mr. Desai and he took my name, address and the institute certificate and gave me a metal token with a number. This was to be presented to the time keeper in the morning in exchange for another marking my presence for work. By the time it was afternoon. I was assigned to work as a tally man. In those days lube oil used to be imported in drums. They come on trucks from the docks. Drums carried figures of gross and tare weight. The job was to note these figures in a printed format. One page is used for one truck with truck number inscribed. I was sitting on a stool near unloading platform and went on writing the figures in pencil. The trucks came thru and continued throughout night. Lights were on, on the platform. The morning came and trucks stopped arriving. The time keeper Desai called me and instructed that I could go home for the day and present myself next day at 8 a.m. Thus started my service with then STANDARD VACCUM OIL COMPANY. It was 4^th January 1944 when I was nine months less to age 18.

I reported in time next day. No job was assigned to me and I was asked to wait in the office. After some time a Foreman in charge of Fire Service in the Terminal took me with him where two others were and introduced me to both saying that the three of us has to work as engine drivers in a specially built up engine room in the Port Trust area nearby. I was just walking distance called Hay Bunder where country boats loaded with goods like cotton bails are docked. The pump house was at a corner isolated from the goods bunder area. One pipe went down into the sea water and another pipe went to the terminal along the road side. The line was led under the ground. The three workmen issued with metal tokens provided by theBombay Port Trust to allow them in their area. We were assigned to come on three shifts of 8 hours i.e. 7 a.m. to 3 p.m, 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. and 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. next day. There was a telephone inside room connected to Terminal Office. We were not required to be present in the office to record attendance. We were to ring the phone and report in the morning and afternoon. Night shift man’s attendance to be reported by the morning shift man. No weekly off to us.

My knowledge of sex difference came at a young age. Most of the boys and girls below school going age used to be fully naked at home playing. Children of neighbours joined together in plays. It was at those days we boys noticed the difference from girls. They were not found anything wrong in boys and girls showing off their bodies and genitals. These show offs did not influence us anyway. In the school boys were clothed below waist and girls with frocks. However, our school was a boy’s only school and there was no opportunity to mingle with girls.

Next was awareness of ones own sex sometime in Nemmara. We the boys i.e. Anna, self and Seshan used to sleep at the attic room. It was all one bedspread. I remember the day Anna pressed his naked aroused penis onto my behind. It felt sticky. I could not recollect as for how many days this happened. I did not remember much more about these. I think that since I was not responding the incident has faded from memory. These memories came back when Anna in a fit

Of nostalgia recollected his experience when he was only 10 or 11 working in a restaurant in Tanjore or Chidambaram. He was telling about the adult Malayali Nair servants who attempted or succeeded abusing him sexually. My experience was later in Nemmara. I cannot say whether he did it consciously or otherwise.

Now it was after coming to Bombay I experience any further sex knowledge. My readings of Sanskrit books did carry much about romance and connected sentiments but they never aroused any sexual urge in me. Yes I used to notice mature ladies on the trains buses, bazaars and shops. Besides noting their contours (as described in Sanskrit literatures) I never thought of them as sexual objects.

One of my fast friends from Nemmmara days landed in Matunga in search of a job. He was staying with an employed relative at then Vincent Road today Ambedkar Road while I was at Brahmanwada. I had my shift work and on night shift days I was at home. He used to join me. I don’t know who initiated but we had oral sex on several days as all other residents were on duty in their offices.

He used to get sticky even before any stimulation. On his getting a ob he stopped his visits and the experience did not repeat at any other time.

I don’t remember having indulged in masturbation frequently. It was something rare. I enjoyed it.

He used to get sticky even before any stimulation. On his getting a ob he stopped his visits and the experience did not repeat at any other time.

I don’t remember having indulged in masturbation frequently. It was something rare. I enjoyed it.

POLITICAL EDUCATION:

During my wanderings around Matunga Dadar areas I noted the existence of the Bombay Karalee Samajam situated in Hindu Colony Dadar. It had a reading room and modest library. I frequented the place when I was free in the evenings i.e. in first and night shift days. There were two or three Malayalam news papers though two days old. It also received a few weeklies and monthly magazines. I used to read all these material that was noticed by some of the office bearers including the general secretary. We became close. At one stage. They invited me to attend their meetings. After some time I was entrusted to reorganise and take care of the library of Malayalam books. There were only about 200-250 books in the library. During that year one or two programme were conducted to raise funds for the library. It was arranged to procure catalogues from publishers in Kerala and I was to prepare list of books to be ordered. I remember having prepared a list of four to five hundred books. They were ordered. When they arrived they were listed in the library. I read almost all these books mostly novels and poetry. Books on other topics were few. The reading expanded the horizon of my thinking. Much of my earlier understanding on literature, culture, heritage, tradition, religion, society and politics were upset forcing me to review them.. I was also attracted to attend political meetings held in the area. The war was still on, with black outs and sirens.

At the work place I made formal friends. A few keralites and others mostly UP bhaiyyas and frontier pathans. It was all an experience. One of my friends was one Kurup a Malayalee working as mechanic in the company. He used to come to the pump house for regular maintenance or repairs. Since, he also was in shift I used to meet him in a afternoon on our way to Sewree station. He was staying in the BDD chawl room and I did visit him there on more occasions. I always had books on hand and reading them at the pump house. Instruction comes when phone rings from Terminal end to start the pump or for some other assignment.

Once Kurup invited me to his room. He offered the book “Satyartha Prakasam” Malayalam translation of the original authored by Dayananda Saraswathi the founder of Arya Samaj. It was a very thick volume. It explains Hinduism in terms of Vedic texts alone and discounted practices that were not accepted by Veda. It opposed the system of four castes, idolatry worshipping separate gods like shiva, Vishnu, Krishna etc. Sanctity was accepted only to Vedic rituals. Later I read more and understood the Arya Samaj doctrine as that of standardising Hindu rituals customs and traditions as in case Christianity and Islam. Arya Samaj was influential in Punjab and Sind. It had followed all over India but not to the extend to initiate all round transformation in Hindu society. The samaj also advocated English education as a measure of empowerment. Reading Satyartha Prakasam was something catalytic. The book contained a long portion a very hard hitting and unsparing criticism of both Islamic and Christian religious thoughts and practices. The book showed all my past learning and thoughts in new lights. I felt that there should be a critical approach not only to other religions but to ones own as well. I have already read a lot in Malayalam that were critical of Hindu thoughts and reading Satyartha Prakasam induced an understanding of those critiques.

In another context I got introduced to another Malayalee employee a clerk named Bhaskaran. This was much later. By that time I was already moving towards participating in politics. Bhaskaran extorted me to start reading English papers regularly even if I did not understand the meaning of all the words the most popular daily paper was BombayChronicle edited by S.A Brelvi a tall man in congress. A little later another newspaper. Free Press Journal edited by S.Sadasivan a top most journalist. Apart from reading these papers, I procured a book English teacher with instructions in Malayalam. These helped me not a little in learning and using English. Speaking was a problem but Bhaskaran was always helpful in guiding me to pronounce English words. Bhaskaran was connected with communist party activities in Matunga. They had a front organisation in Friends of Soviet Union (FSU) . I became active in all FSU programmes, organising meetings, exhibitions, books and newspaper sales etc. Literature sale was a Sunday programme. In 1945 there was the mutiny in Indian Navy stationed at Bombay Naval Dockyard. There were three naval ships where the ratings lowered the Union Jack and hoisted Congress, Muslim league and communist flags on their masts. For a week or so the city atmosphere was tense. Meetings, demonstrations and firing in some parts. After some days the naval ratings surrendered. (During these days I started smoking. One of my Nemmara friend was an accomplice. First we started with snuff and occasional single cigarette. After some time snuffing was discarded as dirty and continued with regular smoking. May be in 45, 46. The number of cigarettes went up to 20 per day. Smoking continued for years/decades. While staying at Indulekha vashi, health problem increased and our family doctor Mrs. Shenoi warned that she will refuse to treat me unless I stopped smoking. Thus one day I stopped smoking abruptly. 1991 or somewhat later.)

In those days there were no news about Subhas Chandra Bose and his escape from India to Germany and then his reaching Japan. Following the fall of Singapur and Malaya to Japan Bose is reported to have arrived in Singapur and formed an army out of personal surrendered to Japan i.e. prisoners of war that was christened. Indian National Army. Three names are coming out of my memory captain Shah Nawas Khan, Col, Seghal and Capt. Laxmi. The last is still with us. She was candidate for election for president against Abdul Kalam. Capt. Laxmi married Col. Seghal.

I remember the days when there was heavy rains and a strong cyclone in the early morning. On that day I was not able to go to work because of the stoppage of train service. The cyclone devastated the city. Trees were uprooted and fallen blocking the roads. There was power cut and it lasted for 3 or 4 days. Everything stopped. When this happened I was not on duty and I don’t remember about people manning the pump house. May be the fire service people took charge.

Sometimes later I think that congress leaders were being released from detention. One of the first was Mahatma. He came to Bombay from Poona by train. The train stopped at Matunga level crossing and he got down from train on to the road. He was accompanied by Sardar Patel. By some coincident I just happened to be there. Then he and others took cars and moved away. Mahatma was conducting evening prayer meeting at Juhu beach on all days while he was in Bombay and I did attended the meetings a couple or more times. There were prayers as well as speech by the Mahatma on political situation or some or other social problems. It was in Hindi and I understood only some.

Later Nehru came and spoke in a couple of meetings in Matunga and Dadar. They were in English and I understood some little. Just before he came to BombayNehru’s book titled Discovery of India was published. I have seen people reading the book in train. One copy was bought by samajam library and immediately it was in circulation among the office bearers. Later I tried to read it but understood little still completed reading. Later the book was out in Malayalam which I was able to read understand. The book a narrative of Indian history that was not attempted by any one else.

Today I could say that all that political movements, reading Satyartha Prakasam and Discovery of India and participation in FSU activities carried profound effects to me personally. On those days I was not aware of the changes in thinking that slowly and increasingly comingthru reading English papers, magazines and books. One of my regular weeklies were Peoples’ war (then changed to People’s Age) a communist party paper and New Times published from Moscow. Both carried features analysing political developments as well as theoretical articles. In due course I was more and more influenced with communist politics and ideology. Some time in 1945-46 there was fierce debates on the role of the communist party in opposing Quit India Movement initiated by the congress resolution of August 1942. There were lengthy articles highly critical. No political formation ventured in support of the communists. I remember reading and absorbing the highly analytical and book length treatise in reply to congress accusations written by the then General Secretary of CP, comrade P.C.Joshi. This completely convinced me that anti-fascist war waged by then soviet union and allies was primary. Winning the war against NaziGermany. Fascist Italy and Japan will ultimately facilitate the winning of freedom from British Imperialism. The battle of Stalingrad and also the fall of Berlin instilled and increased admiration to Soviet Union. We all felt that the victory over fascism was the outcome of Soviet Socialism. It exhibited the tremendous staying power of Soviet system and stamina of soviet peoples.

The world war ended. Political developments were taking place in the country. Finally Britain withdrew from Indialeaving two antagonistic regimes to cope with the utter chaos. I would not like to recall the tragic events of those days.

On 15 August 1947 I participated in the long march to freedom from Kranti Maidan in Malabar Hill to Azad Maidan near Municipal Office. All thru, people welcomed the marchers, some garlands, distribution of serbet (soft drinks). The crowd was huge at the maidan but I don’t remember the names of leaders who addressed them. Even though the communists did not take part in quit Indiamovement they did celebrate the coming of freedom on August 15, 1947.

By this time I have stopped my daily visits to Kerala Samajam library. My main reading beside the daily Free Press Journal consisted of both English and Malayalam magazines and books of communist party and of Soviet Union. At the FSU Office both British and American party publications were coming and I used to read them. There were other friends who helped in understanding the English writings. In 1948 or so the communist party of India held its second congress where the party took an extreme position. It said that the August 15 freedom was sham and working class and its communist party should oppose and fight the congress lead govt, work towards revolutionary over throw of the govt. During the congress P.C.Joshi was removed from post of General Secretary. B.T.Ranadive who prepared thesis for the congress was elected as General Secretary. In china there was a civil war going on between communists and Kuomintang. Ranadive’s thesis envisaged and advocated a similar civil war in India. All these brought govt action banning the party in several provinces but not in Bombay Province. Still the party was not working so openly. No meetings were held except on May Day and November 7 i.e. October Revolution inRussia.

It was during these days I was down with high fever. There was an epidemic typhoid in the city and the municipal authorities were very particular about removing the infected to a hospital. Since, I was staying with bachelors in the room some one or other contacted the authorities. I was shifted to the Arthur Road Hospital by an ambulance van. This much I remember today. I was said to be unconscious for many days.

My younger brother Seshan was here and employed with Volkart Bros who were in so many business including import of medicines. He was able to procure certain imported medicine Blood Plasma as suggested by the hospital. But even after administering the drug I did not regain full consciousness. This seemed to have alarmed both my brothers. They telegraphed home about my serious condition packed on getting information, My grandma decided to come to Bombay. There were problems on the way. Of course there was no direct train to Bombay and one had to change train at Arkonam after an overnight journey from Palakkad. On that particular day there was some mishap at Selam or nearby (said to be the work of communist). So, grandma and other passengers were made to get down at Erode Junction and take a train to Trichy a diversion. Another train picked the passengers from Trichy to Madras away from Arkonam. The shifting happened at night. Again changing at Madrasto Bombay grandma arrived at Bombay a day late.

Meanwhile the hospital prescribed a new drug a Penicillin preparation that was an import and costly in those days. My friends in the FSU is said to have contributed money and brought the drug. The same when administered for a day or two, it brought the temperature down. I regained consciousness.. The next day or so I recollect grandma on her arrival came directly to the hospital. According to Seshan, she had nothing to eat during her travail of journey. Since, a good number of sisters in the hospital were Malayalees grandma was able to impress them to allow her to meet me, though it was not time for visitors. After a day or two I was shifted to the convalescent ward where normal food was given to recoup, may be seven or eight days. On discharge I joined grandma in another room in Matunga. After some days together we both took train back home.

During that one year things happened at home upsetting their life. Father lost the temple job at Nemmara for reasons not exactly clear. My family attributed envy on the part of some. It was due to the three sons having jobs inBombay. The family shifted to a far off and isolated place called Kanchikod to serve in another temple. But it did not last many days. By the time father got an assignment as priest in the Sri Krishna temple at Ayiloor, 2 or 2 ½ miles west of Nemmara. So the home was Ayiloor.

At home I took certain Ayurvedic preparations chyavanaprash and Dasamoolarishtam two health giving tonics. They were locally manufactured. After about three weeks at home I went back to Bombay to join duty. Bhaskaran about whom I mentioned earlier took care to inform the company about my sickness, hospitalisation and got leave of absence sanctioned. It was near about two months without pay.

Because of the concern shown by comrades in FSU and also combined with my own convictions, I took more and more interest in not only FSU but communist party as well. Because of the given circumstance there was no formal membership. I was admitted to a party cell at Matunga and given responsibility to lead it. All were Malayalees except comrade Rangnekar the husband of Ahilya Rangnekar the legendary and living agitator. The latest was her campaign against bar girls in Bombay. The cell used to meet regularly at first but became defunct a little later due to no programme of activities. Meetings became occasional and informal.

A little digression here. While staying at Matunga elder’s marriage was arranged at Trichur with one of the daughter’s of grandma’s nephew, name Kamala. Brother brought her along into a rented room in Matunga. When she got pregnant both went home for 6^th , 7^th month rituals. She was with her parents for delivery. It was baby girl and was named Parvati, our mother’s name as per tradition. Later she came to Bombay again with the baby and stayed on another place for some months. Kamala had several sisters elder and one brother in Bombay. His name was Paremeswaran and self and him were friends while in Matunga. Kamala was pregnant again and went home for delivery. A second baby girl, Laxmi name of her Nani. But Kamala did not come back. She died of TB in a Sanatorium at Trichur. (Mulankunnathu kavu)

One more brother younger i.e. Rasamani joined us inBombay on passing SSC exams. He got a job with the then company constructing the Refinery at chembur. We stayed at separate places in Matunga. Finally, we thought of renting our own accommodation and finally it resulted in getting a flat in a new building “Gyan Ghar” at Sindhi Society, chembur. We all shifted there. The place far off from both Kurla and chembur stations. There was no road but path from Kurla Only a private bus service from Sion in day time. I was still on three shifts. In those days walking to and from Kurla in day time but walking all the way from Chunnabatti to chembur at night.

LIFE IN CHEMBUR:

After taking residence in chembur all together decided that father should no more slave in a temple. There was nothing in the village to hold us back and the whole family came to stay in chembur. But just before this happened certain other events intervened.

Because of my association and identification with communist party activities, my family people were concerned that Krishnan is going out of the folds of the Brahmanic traditions and he might bring home some or other non-brahmin bride. At that time i.e. in 1951-52 I was not thinking of contracting any marriage rather I was keen to get more knowledge of ideology and activities to bring social changes. However, there were irritating moments in my relation with family members at home and Bombay. To resolve the tension I offered to my parents that they are free to find and contract a girl of their choice, whom I will marry. Then I went to Ayiloor on leave. My father has found out a girl of their choice from an orthodox family in Vadakkantara, Palakkad. This family had connections in Mylatoor and I think that is how the relations established. I did not worry about any thing at all.

The marriage took place in early 1953 not at Palakkad but at Pazhani a temple town in Tamil Nadu nearby. The arrangement was to economise to the utmost. Only members of the two family participated. There were no invitation cards and no formal invitation to any relations or friends. The two families reached the place a night before the day and ceremonies were over by afternoon next day. All took a train at night to go back home. After a few days the two of us went to Palakkad and then took the train toBombay. Within a month or so the whole family settled at chembur for good. It was early in 1953

Sometime at this point our sister Ponnammal got married. My view is that we spent a lot of money. The marriage was on a working day and breakfast and lunch were going on together till noon. More details are irrelevant now. The rituals had all the trapping of a Tamil Brahmin in tradition and usage.

The Sindhi Society i.e. Sindhi Immigrants co op. Housing Society was a cluster of small houses built by Sindhi refugees who came to Bombay after partition. Almost all of them were accommodated in the army barracks in and around the then Bombay city. Chembur was not part of the city. The owners of these houses still remained in the barracks and let out the houses mostly to south Indians. On getting to know each other the idea came to organise a tenants’ association. One Mr. Sharma an expatriate from Singapur was the main man in the scene. There were others like myself who willing joined the venture. Slowly I came to know that most of the committee members were influenced by communist ideology. We built a strong organisation in which all the tenants became members. There were no approach roads to and inside the society area. The society itself was a big land lords collecting rents and not providing any facilities. The tenants association at first tried to talk to the people concerned but with no response. Then we thought of several options to act and finally decided to use the provisions of the Bombay Rent Control Act to determine standard rent. Each tenant was to give notice to house owners to fix standard rent as per the act. The matter taken to the court individually. The thing was not easy. A lot of coordination and search for records of old settled cases. Most of this was underwent to tell nameone I don’t taken by Sharma and a couple of others. One Seetharaman and another Sadasivan. After shifting from Sindhi Society to Housing board Colony. I lost touch with them. But when I was in trade union I met Seetharaman as an office bearer of IOC union and that connection continues today.

When Devambal i.e my spouse (called Devammal by her father & Devi by others) was pregnant she was taken to Palakkad by her uncle i.e chittappa as was the custom and tradition. Later I realised that it was a big mistake of my life. In those days people in villages did not consider it necessary to consult doctor about pregnancy. The delivery used to take place at home with assistance from elder women. So Ajay was born on 19^th Jan, 1954. But the delivery resulted in loss of lot of blood. A doctor advised immediate removal to hospital. Steeped in superstitious astrology, her father delayed shifting Devi to hospital to an auspicious day & time. It never came and she lost her life in between. I don’t know what actually happened. Later we came to know that Ajay was taken to coimbatorehospital since he was not opening his eyes. On examining the doctors concluded that the boy has lost the vision completely in one eye and the second was near so. An operation was done and that eye got a little vision, but he was pronounced clinically blind. Some whose name I don’t want to mention opined that the affliction was the effect of Moon eclipse, A bad omen. You get rid off your guilty acts easily, blaming on bad omen and faith.

At around the time I went to Vadakkanthara to see myself and think of future. My family members had a suggestion to get the younger sister of Devi as my 2^nd wife. I just kept it in mind. On reaching Vadakkanthara and thinking about the situation I decided to test our idea. Devi’s younger sister was taking care of the child in those days. She was on her monthly days & was in the outhouse most of the time, keeping the infant with her. There was little opportunity to converse. Later I talked to her in loft room seeking her opinion. She in fact was enthusiastic to the suggestion. This was conveyed to the family before I left Vadakkanthara, as my leave got exhausted. The next latest was next January. I was back at Vadakkanthara early next year. My marriage with Annam was just a formal ritual. It was conducted at Athipotta a tiny isolated village a little far Of from Palakkad. Later we used to visit Athipotta on occasions. A large family of mother in-law’s sister lived there a very large family.

Towards the end of the year 1954, I got a tenement allotted by the then Bombay Housing board in the then Station Colony, later Subhash Nagar. Almost four of us brothers employed, I had the least income and also a family. My father firmly advised me much earlier that bringing my family at this common residence would cause tension and disaffection. I appreciated and absorbed the advise and waited for a suitable accommodation. The BHB allotment helped. In Jan 55’ self and family shifted from Gyan Ghar to Station Colony. Grandma joined us to help and cope with domestic cores. She was with us for a couple of months or so.

A little about the then situation at chembur. There was single line rail connection from Kurla but it was not connected to main line. There was no govt. milk supply. No BEST service. As more and more workmen came to stay in the two colonies and they started mingling the idea arose to organise a tenants association. The association was formed first in the station colony and then to township (later Tilak Nagar). When making connections with people in the formation of the tenants association, it was found that among those who came forward many were inclined to the left trade unions. A few were convinced communists like myself . This encouraged and instilled confidence in all of us. A good number of workmen were from Bombaymills, the engineering and pharmaceuticals. One of the first acquaintance was D.P. Mayekar. We are still in contact. Others that I remember today, Naik, Mayekar, Panickar, AT Bhosle, R.J. Dhupkar etc. etc. Malayalees together formed a Malayalee Samajam with one PankajakshanNair as President and myself as the secretary. Similarly, Kerala Educational Society was formed where I was just a participant. People connected with all these activities recognised me as a mature communist activist. I was able to express my thoughts both in Ehnglish and Hindi though haltingly. Most of my experience was in speaking to small groups of people and not in a meeting where people of other persuasion may be present. Though, mass meetings were held from time to time I myself refrained from speaking due to difficulties with language. Only after getting involved in trade union activities, I started speaking to bigger audience.

It might be in order if I take pause to summarise my life experience up to that time.

My brahmanical backgrounds and beliefs were more or less intact during the first few years after coming toBombay. However, on coming out of home all daily rituals like sandhya vandanam and gayatri japam were discarded not voluntarily but out of circumstances. Visiting temples on auspicious days continued. I remember having gone to observe a yajna at Mumbadevi that lasted for a few days. A large number of priests

The Bombay’s Nirnaya Sagar Press was well known publisher of Sanskrit books and I did purchase many books from them. It was a good collection that I donated to the Nemmara Sanskrit school. I completed reading all of them before making the donation. Some portions of the books were hard to understand. I was orthodox enough with no thoughts of questioning it. The questioning came to mind as I went on reading all kinds of books. One of the books I read along with a friend in matunga was philosophical work by CEM Joad a British socialist of the time. The title I do not recollect today. It discussed extensively about god the Omnipresent (sarvavyapi) Omnipotent (sarva shaktan) and Omniscient (all knowing). Our own concept was same. Joad extensively analysed almost the entire implications of those concepts and thru logic and reasoning refuted them all. There were no need for churches, mosques and temples if the god is omnipresent. There should not be any calamities or evil if the god is omnipotent. There are no needs for prayers and rituals since, the god is all knowing. There were much more arguments and details in that book. I was impressed by all these. This gave a new insight to my Sanskrit readings and thinking on it. Specifically the Nyaya. The Nyaya philosophy does not recognise a god as such. Everything was considered as a matter of consisting of Anus (Anu) earth, water, air and space. Nyaya also recognised veda as one authentic evidence along with other cognitives.

More and more of such thinking turned mind from gods, religions and rituals. Whenever, I read articles or books affirming god and religion, my response was to think reasons for their refutations. Man should depend upon himself to attain anything in the process of living. All men and women are equal and the difference in religion, castes and gender is illogical and false. One should overcome all such differences and cultivate the approach of equality. All my later encounters and understanding of communist ideas or ideology were in conformity to my denunciations of god and religion. In due course of time I was able to express those ideas in discussion with others. I never thought that my thoughts and knowledge are complete or sufficient and therefore I went on collecting a number of books in Malayalam, thru prepublication offers from National Book Stall of Sahitya Pravarthaka Sahakarana Sangham as well as lot of Soviet publications in English. I went on reading more and more on social-political questions, history, science topics and classics. Some are namely Ramayana, Mahabharata, Bhagawata books on Upanishads and philosophy. Lastly I got an 8 volume rigveda, original in Sanskrit with a Malayalam translation. Oh this was much later. The Hindu philosophy has six separate branches or systems in 1. Mimamsa. 2. Sankhya. 3. Nyaya-Vaisheshika. 4. Yoga. 5. Vedanta and 6. Lokayata. None of them recognise a god as popularly conceived and accepted. In Mimamsa the idea of an Apurva that is not exactly a god. There is a good lot of Mimamsa literature that argued against the vedantha. Samkhya has a Purusha that is equated with god or Paramatma by later day philosophers. Nyaya-Vaisheshika accepted veda but not the thoughts of Vedanta. Still later day philosophers brought it in line with Vedanta. Vedanta has no god as such but an all pervading Atma or Paramatma. Yoga has no philosophy as such but later day commentators made it an adjunct to Vedanta by making yoga as a way to experience spirit or atma. Lokayata is in denial of all the earlier five but we have no authentic works in exposition of this philosophy except for bits and pieces quoted by opponents of lokayata.

At Chembur I was reading Marx, Engel’s, Lenin and Stalin and a lot of communist literature. The initial work/activities of the Tenants’ Association was confined to representations to railways for more trains, doubling the line and direct connection to VT (Victoria Terminus). Our demands were heard with sympathy and action was promised. It took some years for realisation. Regular meetings were with officers of Housing Board on several issues including frequent inspection for unauthorised residents in the premises. They questioned about relatives like father or brother etc. where there were no lady members as residents. The allotments were supposed to be to families. At last the inspection was stopped. The association was one for both colonies. In township most of the building representatives were socialist party oriented and they separated the organisation. As a common secretary I had no role thereafter. Station Colony had separate secretary in P.H.Ramu. This was also the time when party activists were asked to change to unions in their workplaces.

UNION ACTIVITIES:

In our company the union was led by Com. G. Sundaram an employee in the then Caltex. Sundaram was leading a single union of workmen in then SVOC, Burmah-Shell and Caltex. The company in order to take out sundaram from the union offered him promotion as an officer. He refused the promotion . The company removed him from employment. I was elected as an assistant secretary in the Petroleum Workmen’s Union. Within an year or there about sundaram died. There was no similar leader to replace him. Thru conscious backing from the govt. and company another union affiliated to the congress slowly became influential among workers. I had no wish to join that union. Almost coinciding with the developments, some thing happened in the colony’s Tenant’s Association. The association was managing a milk distribution system. Payments was to be done to the govt dairy every week. The gentleman in charge faulted in the payments for 2 or 3 consecutive weeks. The dairy not only stopped supply of milk but lodged a complaint with the police for misappropriation and fraud. The man was arrested and proceeded against. A new committee was taking over the affairs of the association and they refused to take charge of milk distribution. Consumers affected who were all my friends and colleagues in the tenants association came to me demanding that the system to be revived. Self, Ramu, Mayekar and some more had meetings with the dairy authorities that threw up as idea that a cooperative society to be formed and registered. Share money to be collected and kept with dairy as security. Then the dairy will resume supply. We went to the registrar of cooperative societies for guidance because this was something new. After a couple of meetings the registrar asked us to prepare a draft of bye-laws for the society and submit it for his scrutiny. I studied the cooperative act and rules and talking with others prepared the draft and an application signed by proposed members. The draft bye laws discussed with one of the Asstt. Registrar and incorporating his suggestions it was finalised. The society got registration as a general purposes society under the cooperative societies act. The dairy approved the society as an agency for milk distribution. Now the problem was to keep regular accounts as required by law. I had no knowledge on this and none else in the society. Once I spotted a book on accounting in the books stall where I was a frequent visitor. I pursued thru the contents of this book. It was in simple language and easy to understand for ignorants like myself. I bought it and took home. I read it thru copying the method of accounting in double entry system. Then I started writing society accounts and I thought that it was a success. I continued as secretary of the society for a few years. The connection lost after shifting from chembur.

It will be truthful to say that I did not take enough care and interest in matters concerning my own family. Yes, in 1955 after bringing Ajay to Bombay, I carried him to each one of the eye specialists in the city to find whether anything could be done to improve his sight. All the specialists were of the view that they could do nothing. They recognised on looking at his eyes that one is dead and the other is operated. A couple of them said that the operation could have been done in a better way. Some said that if medical science progressed in future, we might find a way. It was all frustrating but Dr. Ramachandran was very much supportive and positive.

Something about domestic scene for the period. In 1956 wife was pregnant. This time I did not sent her home even though her father suggested it. He was in Bombay for a few days at that time. Instead I took her to Dr. Ms. Bhatawadekar at chembur itself and registered her name in her Nursing Home early. There was regular check up. A few days early to the date of delivery we shifted to flat in Sindhi Society. On October 24, 1956 she delivered a baby girl later named Akhila. I did not conduct ritual then or there after until her marriage. No Brahmin samskaras. In those days hospitalization after delivery was for ten days. There after both mother and baby were brought to stationcolony tenement.

Sometime after Akhil was born my mother in law arrived from Palakkad in order to help her daughter to cope with domestic jobs and child carings. She took the train with some luggage that included a gunny bag of brass or other vessels. When she got down at Arkonam to change the train to Bombay the gunny bag was not taken down. But some one asked her about the gunny bag left in the compartment. She replied that it was not hers. The train moved on to Madras. I don’t know when she realised her mistake. She narrated the incident after reaching home at chembur. She was of good nature, very soft spoken with unnecessary modesty towards son in-law. She had many children but only three living at that time. The elder named Dharma bal (Dharma meaning alms from divine, since many earlier children did not survive). My own wife was not the next and much later Umapathy. He was too young at the time of our marriage. Umapathy also has some history that could be narrated later. Mother in law left to Palakkad after a couple of months

At another place I mentioned about the traditional treatment for small pox victims. Since no medication is administered the fate of the patient is left into hands of the god or the goddess herself. A few months after going back from Bombay my mother in-law got infected with small pox and succumbed to it. I am sure that it was the superstition that resulted in no proper care and death. Even in this twenty first century the educated here are carried by superstition of all sorts. The poor and uneducated have crude beliefs. The educated carry some refined superstition like antipathy and snakes drinking milk. Many such superstitious miracles are finding place in the media both critical and otherwise.

At a late date I had an invitation from colleagues in the Tenants Association. I finished meeting them in the morning and dropped at ‘Gyan Ghar’ to visit my family. It was a Sunday noon time. Grandma and my brothers were sitting on the veranda after lunch. I also sat there to talk. While I was about to leave grandma prodded me to go inside and talk to father who was resting after lunch. He seemed to be asleep and so I called him Appal, Appal. No response. Grandma came in and checked. She opined that father was no more. He must be somewhere 62 or 63 of age. He was addicted to chewing raw tobacco has asthmatic complaint, experienced breathing difficulties. We had no idea whether he had BP or heart problem since he never went for a modern medical check. That conclusion was from her past experience. At that time there was one Tamilian doctor practicing in chembur. We do not know him but others in the colony approached him and arranged for the certificate. I did not participate in any ritual but was present for cremation

Both Ganesan and Main were in school when the family shifted from Ayiloor. They along with the two daughters of elder brother were admitted in south Indian education society’s school at Matunga. Ganesan was in sixth andMain was in Bird or Itch. They were not comfortable there due to language or other. At the end of school year gamesman insisted to go back to Ayiloor to complete the TX. He went back alone and stayed with a friendly family for the next one year. He passed the SSLC exams. On coming back he got a job with Premier Automobiles at Kurla. Later it was found that Main was skipping classes. In those days a Put. Bus service (Bahaman) was operating up to Sion. From there it is BEST. First it was reported from school thru a letter. On this basis Main was withdrawn from SIES and admitted saraswati vidyalaya at chembur itself. This did not help. From there also he was absent for days together. One day he did not come back from school. On enquiry the school conveyed his absence for days together . He came back in a fortnight after wandering in places. In that fortnight grand mother expired. She was beyond 80 may be less

TERMINAL WORK:

My working schedule in the company changed. At first the operation of the pump house in Port Trust area was stopped some time after 1947-48. They constructed a big water tank in the Terminal premises with fire fighting facilities attached. There after in 1955-56 or there about when provisions of the factories act was made applicable to the terminal weekly off on Sunday was introduced. Then the late night shift was also discontinued. Earlier import of diesel and kerosene was from Bombay docks Nos. 17,18,19 Alexandra dock. The ships pumped the products thru pipe laid on Port Trust lands to the sewree terminal. In between the two points the company had a booster pump to speed the flow. The operation was very intermittent. Once in 2 or 3 weeks depending on the arrival of tanker. The pipe line contained sea water. When required I was to go to that pump on port trust land near dockyard road station. It might be morning, evening or night. I was to go there and wait for instructions. When the pipeline is connected to the ship and starts pumping the gauge on the line will signal situation. The instruction comes from supervisor present at dockend. The pump starts and goes on till all the product is pumped. It may take a day or even two full days to complete the operation. After the product the ship will start pumping sea water into the line, till the terminal reports having received sea water. Beside over time wages I was allowed to one day off for each night worked. This operation was discontinued when the chembur refinery started supplying the products thru pipelines from refinery itself.

The terminal was storing mainly black oils namely fuel and heavy diesel. Fuel oil was supplied to mills and ships. The supply to ships was thru a pipeline as well as imports. There were two pump operators in that department. When one of them expired I was put on that job that was called bunkering. This operation continued upto the time when Indian Oil Corporation a govt. company took over all bunkering to ships. I had no job but sit in the pump house where from tanker lorries were filled. This continued for a long time. During those days workmen used to come to me and insist on my taking part in the activities of the congress led union-President Raja Kulkarni. A good lot of persuasion. The general secretary was Haribhau Chaubal a clerk in the terminal. He was one time socialist and worked with him in the canteen committee and works committee formed under Factories Act. And Industrial Disputes Act. These facilitated direct contact with the management without being a member of the union. I got involved in negotiations with the management.. Raja Kulkarni was an MP coming to Bombay when he was free from parliaments activities. Chaubal retired and I was forced to take responsibilities. All these developments initiated my mind to learn about trade union and labour laws. A good number of books that were commentaries on each of the laws like Factories Act , Industrial Disputes Act, Standing Orders Act, Bonus Act (there is a history behind this act connecting the Petroleum Workmen Union of G. Sundaram) Employees State Insurance Act (for medical benefit) Employees’ Provident Fund Act etc. I read a lot and learned a lot about functioning of the labour and other courts upto supreme courts dealing matters connected with labour. Thus I turned out to be a trade unionist in my later life. I was elected as Secretary to the Esso Unit and then General Secretary and afterward the Secretary General. The Petroleum Employees’ union had units in (Esso and Caltex) later Hindustan Petroleum, Marketing and Refinery (two separate companies) Burmah Shell later Bharat Petroleum, (only marketing) the then separate company for bottling and distribution of LPG and Oil and Natural Gas Commission (today the biggest Oil producing company in India ’ONGC). These positions made me to visit most of the company locations in Maharashtra, Gujarat and Madhya Pradesh and Delhi as well. The union was spread all over these area but the number involved were small. I recall here my earlier observation that I never thought of myself having a complete grasp of anything, ideas, thoughts, acts or behaviour. I am an ordinary human with more ignorance and defaults than thought of by others. My personal life was mostly public and little private.

EDUCATION OF AJAY & AKHIL:

The children were not yet of age to school. They grew. There were no KG classes for children. Admission to school was at 6. Adarsha Vidyalaya of Kerala Education Society was started classes in a garage at chembur. When Ajay was admitted the school was in its second year. I had my doubts about sending him to regular school but Dr. Ramachandran was firm. Since, he has some little vision and is able to recognise colours and characters, he should join a regular school. We could wait and observe his response. If some problem crops up the same could be addressed at that time. His advise prevailed. Ajay completed his graduation without much of a problem. During his second or third year in college he had a problem with his dead eye and on the medical advise, it was operated and removed at the Juhu hospital. He was there for a week or so. I used to take lunch for him from chembur to kurla and then by bus to santacruz station then again to Juhu. Dinner was arranged with Maniammal family at santacruz. She was related as a cousin on grand mother’s side. Her own grand mother was the younger sister of my granny. They belonged to Koduvayoor as mentioned some place earlier. During my bachelor days, I used to visit them regularly. Those were world war days and rationing was the norm, grain, sugar and kerosene. As an employee of the oil company I had a quota one gallon every month. I collected it and delivered it to them.

Unfortunately her husband was a victim of extortion by certain outsiders. He was cashier in a company situated in Ballard Estate. He used to collect cash from a bank. As per my knowledge a certain lady accosted him and demanded money. To get rid of her he paid some from company’s cash. This repeated on several days later. He paid. Finally unable to sustain the cash shortage, he complained to police. Police set a trap and arrested the lady and her male companion. As a coincidence officers from the co’s head office in Calcutta were visiting the office on inspection. They noticed the cash shortage and long absence of the cashier. They filed a police complaint against Krishna Iyer the cashier. He was arrested on a charge of misappropriation. Later he was convicted for 6 months. There was no job when he came back from jail. No separation benefits from company. He did not live for long. The room where the family was living was part of bungalow. It was taken over by a builder who paid some compensation to the family to vacate. They shifted to a place near Kandivili or Borivili. We lost regular contact except on occasion like a marriage in our family.

In those days I used to go to company’s head office as a trade unionist. On one day elder brother introduced a young tamil lady working as cashier in the contractor’s canteen. Her name was Pankaja Laxmi. It was lunch time and canteen was busy and no time for any long conversation. Still I was impressed. Brother later confided that they were in love and planning their marriage. He also said that she will care for the two girls. But others in the family including mother were not in favour because the lady is an Ayyangar whom the Palakkad Tamil Brahmins considered to be below in status. They were not even accepted as Brahmins. I am of different disposition. I do not accept any caste or other differentiation and am of view that both boys and girls have a right to contact or not to contact a marriage. They shall choose their own partners without interference or even without consent and or oppositions. But no society has come to this level and specifically ours. Practices in west are much more liberal and some of our people view them anarchical. Finally brother decided to marry her and live separately.

Brother married Pankaja Laxmi thru a simple ritual ceremony conducted at her Matunga flat. I was the only person from the family to attend the marriage other than Parvathy and Laxmy i.e.brother’s daughters. Later I came to know there was strong opposition to the marriage from mother supported by Seshan, though others like Rasamani, Ponnammal, Ganesan & Mani also were not in favour. The opposition lasted for long. At this time my wife and children were at Palakkad I narrated to her, all that happened here during her absence

Among other things I was convinced of the necessity to limit to population. I did accept family planning as a method. I have read a lot of literature on the subject. The two methods namely vasectomy for men and tubectomy for women were being advocated as a govt. policy and govt. hospitals were conducting both the operations free of charge. One of the company employee’s wife went thru tubectomy and the man was explaining it as complicated. I myself was of the view that the man should undergo the operation. But even among the educated there is misunderstanding and mistrust of such an operation. I never thought so and it was correct. I choose to go for it. The operation was done on one morning at KEM hospital at Parel. They applied local anaesthesia and did the job in few minutes. I did not even feel anything. No pain at all. They allowed me to go and come back after a week to remove the stitches. The doctor advised me to take penicillin tablets for five days. I went back next week when the stitch was removed in a jiffy and discharged. That was all that.

One scene still lingers in mind. I was there at Dadar Station to receive my family. When the train halted on the platform, I went in search of the coach where they were. It was forenoon. The little girl Akhil might have spotted me on the platform. Her mummy was putting a dress on her. But Akhil rushed to the door with only undergarments. When I reached she almost jumped out on me and I caught her.I remember very little about Ajay’s and Akhil’s school days or even college days. One incident comes to mind about Ajay. Then I was trying to what he learned in school, I questioned on some subject (I think it was about calculation) and ajay was not answering. I got angry and struck him hard. I regretted it later. But when results came from his school, he scored well. I realised that I am not fit to teach or take a test. Every father thinks that he is superior in intelligence as against his child. I realised about such a false notion that might at times harm the child’s mental development. From that time onwards I never intervened in my children’s education. It might be interpreted as indifference or even neglect. I view it as a sign of my own deficient intellect. I still view it that way. I also realise that my own qualification in no way equips me to offer advise to others. Whatever, I state here or anywhere are my own views, opinions not necessarily to be adopted or followed by any one else. I don’t believe in a god or go to temples but I never came against others, including my wife and children observing whatever they choose to believe.

I did not think of conducting a thread ceremony for Ajay. But under influence from elder it was conducted along with that of Gopal. I refused to do the rituals and went to attend work. Seshan did those rituals as a father. However, it was a simple affair attended by family members only. I joined them for lunch.

After graduation Ajay contacted the semi govt outfit National Association of Blind (NAB). They used to train the blind on brail and assist them to get a job. As a part Ajay was taken for training as a Telephone Operator.

The Esso became HPC a couple of years earlier and govt policy of employment to handicapped was considered. I talked to Ajay and made him initiate an application thru NAB sources. This was done. A NAB officer visited the personnel dept. bAnd recommended employment to Ajay. For days together nothing happened. Then I met the officer concerned. He conveyed that Ajay was medically unfit. This was lunch time I came down to lobby. Dr. Vaishnav who was in the Terminal for years and was as close a friend as a doctor could be. He was very much in the know of my position as well as of Ajay. He knew about the application. On seeing me in the lobby he enquired about the fate of that application. I conveyed that what was told to me at dept. He took it upon himself to tell the department that it is just because of this handicap he is eligible for employment . I don’t know what he talked to the department people but the letter came a few days after. Ajay was appointed as Telephone Operator at Sewree Terminal

Earlier I said that there was no job for me since pumping operations ceased. May be the management thought about it and assigned the work of gate checker. The job was to check materials coming in and out of the Terminal and prepare incoming documents and keep a log of all outgoings. Physical checking was an important job. The work was in two shifts. As the time went I got promoted to do work in time office, documenting the attendance, over times done, leave of absence records, ESIC formalities and preparing the basic data for the computer to prepare payment of monthly salaries. After a few years there, I was again promoted to take charge of canteen management. Since, daily menu are fixed and standardised, the job was mainly requisitioning canteen items and keep track of their use. Purchase of vegetables and fish from market, veg. twice a week and fish on Fridays. Since, I knew nothing about fish I used to take a workman who knew. He will help in selecting the fish.

At this time I was more in the union and visiting locations and having meetings with managements at several levels, since most of these were in the afternoon. I used to be late reaching home. Visiting union office also resulted in late hours.

Once the union activities brought me to Delhi. It was workers education programme conducted by International Confederation of Free Trade Unions (ICFTU). Raja Kulkarni our union president was an MP with a bungalow allotted to him. Since, it was recess to parliament, the place was vacant. We two from Bombay stayed there for couple of days or more. We took a tour of Delhi including a visit to Kutub Minar. Next day we took a trip to Agra, visiting the famous Fort, Fatehpur Sikri. (the dream city built by Akbar) and Taj. As usual with visitors I had myself photographed with Taj as background. The season was winter and December. My friend wanted to go to Haridvar and Rishi Kesh. We both took a late night bus from Delhi. The bus was rickety and coldest wind was blowing. Both had no adequate protection. We huddled together in the seat. The bus reached Haridvar before dawn. We took refuge in a Dharamshala upto day break. I don’t remember having any break. We walked out and taking atonga reached Laxman Jhoola. It is a wire rope way to cross river Alakananda flowing under the deep gorge. No road but a pathway along the river down to Haridwar. My friend an ardent devotee refused to take a dip in the swift flowing cold river. On the other hand I took a bath dipping into the ice cold water. By afternoon we reached Haridwar and crossed over thru a boat. No lunch. Every day there is a festival in Haridvar. We came back to Delhi at night in a crowded bus standing.

All the circumstances combined together made me to miss much of the daily family life or home life.

There were no colleges at chembur when Ajay and Akhil completed high school. Ajay was enrolled at Dr. Ambedkar College of Commerce at Wadala. The college started only in that year and there was no admission problem. Also the fees were reasonable. Next year, Akhil got admitted atSIES College of Arts and Science at Sion. Since Ajay lost one year in college, Akhil was first in family to earn a degree with honours. No good employment was coming in the way. After sometime one of my friends (thru Chembur Milk Society) who was an officer in Morarjee Mills arranged an opening to Akhil and a friend of her in Piramal Mills at Lower Parel. Both mills were of common ownership. But the job did not last long.

Although my elder brother and sister in law i.e. (Anna & Manni) are steeped in orthodoxy their children i.e. Gopal and Saraswathy were sceptics but scrupulously following norms set by the former. They were not vocal but subtle. I remember occasions when I talked to them on subjects that are more in my mind. They silently listened. They used to read a lot other than text books. I think they did cultivate an enquiring mind thru reading. At one time when Saraswathy passed her SSC exams, Anna & Manni gifted her some amount to purchase a gift. She sought my help to visit a book stall (International Book House) in Fort and select a book. After going thru so many she came to a thick volume of World Atlas published by Readers’ Digest. It was a modern and up to date printed excellent maps and other information. The fact that her parents did not approve or appreciate the gift of a book that also an Atlas. When saraswathy was here in March 2005 I reminded her of this episode. She responded saying that the Atlas is still in her bookshelf

Father in law’s brother and family were staying in Matunga with his father in law earlier and they came to chembur later. His first daughter was married. That family also came to in another room in the same building-Marwadi Chawl. We used to visit them frequently. My wife and Laxmi were of the same age. Later had a girl and when she passed high school and joined a college, she developed friendship with a Nair boy a lower caste to Brahmin. There was tremendous pressure on Prabha that was her name to abandon that friendship. In the process she was withdrawn from the college. One day she was in our place and talked to my wife, Ajay and Akhil. I came there later. On hearing about her plight we all supported her fully and encouraged Prabha to stand firm. She could have conveyed our firm support to her parents and that almost caused rift from us. Later chittappa (Mummy’s father’s brother) arranged Prabha’s marriage to his own son Umapathy. It was a forced marriage. We were not invited. One day we came to know about Prabha’s flight from home and divorce there after. Much later we started visiting them again. Chittappa and chittammai ( his wife) had four daughters and one son Umapathy married again in due course. What I wanted to high light was some things else. Years after Laxmi’s son Rajan (Prabha’s elder brother) got married. It is a tradition among Brahmins that the groom’s sister ties the second knot of Thali (Mangalsutra) after the first knot is put around the bride’s neck. In case of Rajan, Prabha was present to complete the ritual. At that moment I was sitting next to chittapppa and he confided in that he made a great mistake in the past and has redeemed it that day. No one cared or noticed that Prabha was lower in caste thru her marriage to a Nair. How times change?

AKHIL’S MARRIAGE:

Earlier, influenced by Ajay, we were considering a match for Akhil. The

boy was a college friend of Ajay staying in chembur itself. I was firm that no imposition of our views on our daughter. She was a graduate and employed and it was for her to select a boy friend to live with. The idea did not go far there after.

Govind was known as he was working as a delivery boy in Milk Society while studying in school. I don’t exactly recall whether he joined a college after passing from high school. But he continued in the Milk Society both as delivery boy and cash collection clerk for some time. Meanwhile, there were recruitments in HPCL and I introduced him there for employment on temporary. This also did not last. In a couple of months he abandoned the job to go abroad. Govind has an elder sister named Anita settled at Las Palmas, Spain. She came to chembur possibly with an idea to take Govind along on return. In those days no passport was issued without a guarantor and I became his guarantor. One day he took leave from all of us and proceeded. It was one of the happenings like many else in life. It was in 1977-78 I was persuaded by one of my office colleague Mahendra Parekh to purchase ownership flat. I was hesitating since the financial future was not secure enough. There were a few years to retire. A marriage to be conducted for Akhil when that comes. Finally I took the plunge. By a coincident the Palghat Chit Funds where I had deposits in my own name and the names of wife and children, was closing business in Bombay and offered to pay full benefits on those deposits. That and some salary arrears on account of long term settlement and bonus plus some savings. Initial payments were made to a flat at Ladiwala Colony at Mulund West. The building was under construction.

In 1979, Govind was back from spain on holiday. I don’t know as to what evolved earlier between Akhil and Govind and I was not much interested to find it. If Akhil was firm and wanted to marry Govind, I would not stand in between. Also I will not allow anyone else to influence me. As such when Akhil expressed her wish, there was no looking back. Since, I was against any religious ritual, I wanted the marriage to be civil i.e. registered. But one has to give a month’s notice to Register and wait before fixing a date to register the marriage. Govind had no time to wait and so things had to be hurried. Also I had not enough money with me. After discussing the matter together it was decided to conduct the marriage in a very simple matter of fact way. The venue was a small temple at Naigaon-Parel and lunch in a south Indian Hotel at Nariman Point. Only one bus full of family members attended. Govind arranged a grand reception at the then Oberoi Hotel. He himself arranged for Akhil’s passport and visa and they took a flight within a few days. Everything went dream like. One thing I remember well. I accompanied both Akhil and Govind to santacruz airport to wish safe journey. As Akhil was passing the gate to check in I held her tight unable to speak any words. My voice was chocked with tears. It is still in my mind.

Not all my people favoured this marriage. They just tolerated, but did not welcome. I don’t know what they talked in private but none of them invited the newly married, home for lunch or dinner as was the tradition. But I did not care about their behaviour. I advised Govind and Akhil to visit my mother, who was then residing with Ganesan at Chedda Nagar, and seek her blessings. Later I knew the reception there was just formal.

Another coincidence. Earlier brother’s second daughter and son-in-law were at coimbatore. When Sethu’s company where he was employed, closed leaving them with no alternative. They came to stay at Wadala. Both were in search of jobs. Something might have happened that soured the atmosphere at home. Since, the flat I had booked not yet g ready, my brother and sister in-law came with suggestion that we shift residence to Wadala and allow Sethu and Laxmi to occupy the room in Subhash Nagar. We changed residence. We received the good news of Akhil giving birth to a baby boy in December 1979. Thereafter, we shifted to Mulund in an years time when the bldg was ready. So our Mulund life started.

After that of Akhil to Govind many more mixed marriages happened in and around our family. My only sister’s daughter married a Maharashtrian non-brahmin accompanied with religious rituals. At last the changed moves were accepted by Anna & Manni when they went to live with their son Gopal and Cheryl daughter in – law inAmerica. Earlier they tried their level best to arrange a marriage to Gopal with a Brahmin girl here or from US itself. It all failed to click. Gopal married his chosen girl and informed his parents. Manni accepted it but Anna was reserved. Complete consent came after he joined them in US. Even today both Anna and Manni observe all brahminical rituals.

AJAY’S MARRIAGE:

About Ajay’s marriage. We wre ready to accept any offer from good families but nothing from known families. This was after he became permanent in his job. Once, elder brother told me about an employed girl known to him.She was fatherless. He mentioned about Ajay to her but the girl refused citing his handicap. Another a friend of mine talked about widowed and employed Brahmin girl. But she claimed to be not interested in a new marriage. We put an advertisement in Times Of India and there were some responses. One was from the parents of a handicapped girl. My wife was of view that two handicaps together may not be good. There was one from Pune a fatherless girl. We visited them at Pune and mother and daughter returned the visit with no response. A few days later the girl turned up alone saying that mother is against marriage, but she was ready. We were puzzled and embarrassed. I was against breaking up that family. We talked about all these to her. She stayed the night at home and left late in the morning. An offer came from Nagpur. A divorced girl but employed. We visited them at Nagpur. The father suggested a check up with eye specialist. It was accepted. We remained with them for the full day. In that time we all went on a sight seeing. We passed the night in their house. Next morning we boarded the train reaching Bombay next morning. We were under the impression that the Nagpuroffer was settled but a letter came a few days later conveying their regrets. The last offer was from Kala’s brother and brother-in-law. All things settled to every one’s satisfaction. My main condition was that whatever they might give to the bride, the marriage expenses to be shared fifty-fifty. The marriage was performed on November 5, 1982 with vedic rituals.

As part of a public sector practice, I as the then secretary general of the union was allowed leave of absence from office to work in the union. This lasted about two years till the time of my retirement at the end of September 1984 on completing the age of 58. I was busy in the union several meeting with management, proceedings of a computer adjudication, enquiries on charge sheets issued to workmen at different locations. After retirement also I continued to function in the union. The close association with the affairs of workers imparted a lot of knowledge about the problems of ordinary workmen, their aspirations and demands. It urged me to learn much about labour laws and their applications. But in a couple of years I realised that I am spending more from my pocket than what the union was able to re-imburse towards personal expenses. By then commuting from vashi was another problem. Thus I withdrew from the union position. Still employees used to come to me seeking advise.

In between I took one trip to Las Palmas in 1987 and again in 1989 union at vashi itself. Here also there was no remuneration but re-imbursement. During my union days I got acquainted with a young labour consultant and lawyer Arjun Patil who asked me to assist him in the conducting many charge sheet enquiries on hand. I agreed and was doing work with him for some time upto to 2000 or so. On afflicted by spondilysis and an operation in January 2001 I stopped from public activities, except in the matter of Oceana Co-op. Hsng. Soc. Where Govind booked a flat in the name of Akhil in 1994. We lost a good amount in this deal with one Mr. Roy a fraud and cheat. I realised it a little late and then onward very vigilant and stead fast to protect our interest. It turned out that Mr. Roy who was only one of the society members. At that time, the plot was not in its possession. The society has not completed the formalities of registration. Roy pocketed the amount without paying the society dues. By 2001 or so Royabsconded from vashi fearing prosecution for cheating many more and CIDCO as well. Self took up firmly matters on hand got elected to the managing committee as treasurer in 1999-2000. The construction that was stalled for a couple of years started again. I have done my best to collect amounts from members. With all the difficulties the building was completed and occupancy certificate received by August 1, 2003. Now the flat is being sold with no gain.

Incidentally something about Ajay’s influence on our affairs and or his response. While we lived in Mulund Akhil visited us in 1980 or 81 bringing the then infant Jay. Her next visit was after Ajay’s marriage. She came again bringing Jay along. It was to attend Govind’s younger brother Gopal’s marriage. After his marriage gopal and bride left to Las Palmas. By this time Akhil’s visa expired and she had to wait for another month or so before embarking. We all had a good time with little Jay at home. The time difference between Las Palmas and Bombay did influence his daily routine. Sleeping up too late in the morning and being awake too late at night. In the end she got the visa and went back to Las Palmas. It seems that Gopal after his marriage booked one bed room, hall, kitchen flat in the newly coming up New Bombay, with a builder M/S. Raikar at chembur. Unfortunately Gopal died with in a year Govind came to Bombay for last rites and during his stay in chembur he made arrangements with the builder to change the allotment to his name. He also paid certain instalments to the builder. There after he made Ajay to open a separate account in State Bank of Travancore, Mulund to which govind used to send money in dollars. Further instalments to the builder were paid thru this account. In the meanwhile govind sought a bigger two bed room flat in the same building. It was done when the building was ready for occupation. Govind authorised me to take possession. I remember a day self and Mrs wished to visit the building under construction in vashi and reached Mankhurd Station on Sunday. During those days the newly built bridge between Bombay and New Bombayused to be closed for traffic on Sundays on account of maintenance work. No bus service. We returned to Mulund very disappointed. My next visit was to take possession of the flat on a working day. Soon thereafter Ajay reported to have talked to Govind seeking permission to shift ourselves to vashi. May be he thought it might be more convenient to reach his office from Vashi. I had no problems since I was retired. So we shifted from Mulund to Vashi. Ajay caused me to sell the Mulund flat and take one at vashi itself. I was in favour. Just at that time Ajay received a CIDCOallotment of a flat in ‘F’ type building at Nerul. The building was located in an isolated area far off from highway and bus station. Nothing else was there nearby. Today, the area is well developed . The new railway station is just opposite the building. At that we transferred it to some one on a payment of premium.

As in other public sector companies HPCL initiated a home loan scheme to employee. So Ajay was eligible for a loan. I therefore suggested that Ajay should avail of the loan so that some of the money realised from the sale of Mulund flat get invested in such a way so that I might get some additional income to augment the monthly pension. When we purchased the Indulekha flat in Ajay’s name, I had this in my mind. I made Ajay to apply for a loan and myself prepared all documentations towards it. When the work was half done, Ajay disclosed the fact that he could not get the loan , he has stood as a guarantor to a colleague in office. I was taken back disappointed. The flat was already in his name. Some thing else happened, next time when after selling Indulekha flat in 1995 purchased the flat in Kopar Khairane. In consultation with Ajay initiated fresh documents to get a loan on the KK flat. Govind visited us at this time and he disapproved the choice of the location and wanted us to find a new place in Vashi itself. Govind and Ajay had long talks about which I had no knowledge. It seems to me that Ajay misunderstood something that Govind conveyed to him. The loan application was abandoned. It was completely embarrassing to talk to govind on the subject. Thus ended my second attempt at augment my income. Today I think these two and much more that I am able to recollect here resulted in snapping of all normal communication with Ajay. Today the situation has come to a non-return mode. I don’t wish to grumble about the past or present and future is unknown.

At one time Govind purchased a CIDCO flat and a private shop in vashi. The CIDCO flat was to accommodate his elder brother and family. The registration and other formalities were completed by me on Power of Attorney made by Govind in my name. After sometime the shop was given on rent. Later on the Mangal Tower flat leased to M/S Brook Bond. I was looking after the property, collect the rents, deal with concerned societies and CIDCO and so on. In 1995 when Govind visited Kopar Khairane he advised me to keep 3000 per month for myself. This I was following upto June 2004 for nearly 10 years. This was a considerable help in meeting the increasing cost of living and also to save something. I have to appreciate his feelings towards me. The thought will remain with me. During most of his visits Govind used to hand over cash without specifying the purpose for which it was given. But I kept an account of all the receipts and payments made. I used to forward a statement for his information, though he never asked for it. In July 2002, he expressed his displeasure on this. This in fact was not expected and I felt hurt.

There is something more about Ajay. After his second Lumbar and third Lumbar operations in 1998, he asked Govind’s permission to stay at Mangal Tower flat that was supposed to be for six months or so. First he shifted with Kala bringing dinner in the evenings. Self & Mrs persuaded her and Bina to stay there. We continued to stay at Kopar Khairane. After a few days, Akhil & Govind advised not to stay separately but shift to Mangal Tower to stay together. Our stay went on beyond six months.

The company was giving a benefit in the form of self lease on owned accommodation to employees in place fixed house rent allowance. Ajay was a beneficiary. Since, our stay in Mangal Tower flat was extending beyond 6 months. I advised him to inform the company on the change. I think he did not follow it. Later, in mid 2002 the management issued a show cause notice to him. Someone tipped him on this and Ajay & Kala together started renovation of the flat at KK and stayed there for some days. The show cause letter unnerved both. By coincidence Akhil asked or advised both to vacate Mangal Tower flat. There might be some over lapping between the two acts. The result was that we shifted back to Kopar Khairane in November or there about 2002.

Now almost at the end my seventies a look back might have its own good and bad points. Much of what is narrated here in above are re-structuring in the present light. May be at the time of those happenings I was looking at them differently. One could not recall them exactly. However, I can definitely say that the seventy nine years passed were uneventful, ordinary at times trivial. I touched upon many and did not master any and ended up a zero.

The turns of life could not have been otherwise. Lacking basic groundings on any vocation seems to be the cause for stalling any calling. If I continued and completed my Sanskrit studies, possibly I would have ended with a career as a school teacher or a college professor. But at those times the prospect was not that inviting. A military life but those known to end without a sure future. My life took the line of a workman throughout. I have no regrets about this. My Sanskrit back ground urged me to question and learn. The contact with labour and trade union expanded my mental capacity to understand ones own social responsibility to participate in the ongoing social transformations with critical faculty. I tried to absorb them as far as possible and act accordingly.

What I believe as partly my achievement is that my own children and also theirs did pursue an education worth showing. I am happy and feel immense pride. When they passed their school and college exams, I wanted to shout out the news for all to comprehend. I wanted people to know that from generation to generation changes take place for good towards progress. Today, I also feel that I have completed my duty to the next generation more or less satisfying to myself. I never expect anything in return, not even an acknowledgement. So far I am not a financial liability to anyone and would like to continue to be so to the rest of life. But the wish may not materialise if physical condition deteriorate.

MY WIFE:

My regret is that I have not saved enough to protect my Mrs. If I happened to pass out early. I cannot imagine her without me on her side. This brings out the most important question mark in my life. We are together for the last 52 years or so. So far in this narrative she found very little or no space. It was not intentional. At the beginning she was not able or willing to express herself as with a true Brahmin bride fashion. May be I took her to be a dump girl. But there was not any dialogue between us on the life out of home where I was engaged most of the time. Also in the beginning I worked in three shifts. Day time was spent mostly out of home. It all seemed natural to me at that time. There might be other reasons for her pose. Fear, un-certainty or other. However, for too long a time she did not show an inclination to know what were my public activities, their importance or significance. It might be mutual. I did not make any effort to initiate her to be a partner in all activities. I have no clue today for what has turned out to be. Considering the fact that I am ideologically convinced and committed to gender equality and participation of women in all public activities on equal footing. Even without an ideology as an ordinary conventional husband I should have taken her into confidence and instilled a kind of confidence to keep her communicative. Neither I tried to find nor she showed any desires, aspiration and or demand. What she talked about were that of ordinary domestic chores or occasional visits to relations. I wonder today how she coped with tasks of bringing up the two tiny children thru school and then college. None were part of talks at home. She might be nursing strong grievances that I just caused her to deliver two children but cared less about how the children fared in their day to day affairs. When she came, she was new to city. In the colony the language of communication was mostly hindi that was foreign. She has not learned cooking beyond some daily brahminical dishes. With all the constraints she never complained. Only during the last few years, I perceived her hidden earnings and aspirations. She envisaged a good life, nothing extravagant, dressing and going out, visiting places, attending entertainments, occasional holidays, some modest ornaments to wear. But she never expressed any of those wishes openly. So I never knew. She had a grievance about my spending money on books. She did not take into consideration that most of them were very low priced. For a few years I was a member of British Council Library that enabled access to a lot of good (and costly) books, fiction, politics, history, philosophy and general compared to the number of books. I was reading at first from Keraleeya Samajam, then Friends of Soviet Union, British Council, for a short period from USIS Library and Peoples’ Library, my purchases were just meagre. But still she might have had a point. My own income throughout in service in the company was sufficient only to carry on with day to day necessities and occasional visit to Palakkad, Coimbatore and later a couple of trips to Kota. The financial position was more easy towards to the last days before retirement. There were years in between when I never purchased any books and still faced with anxieties. One cannot correct the past even if we perceive it as wasted or sign of madness.

Our relations, in more than half a century were satisfactory both physically as well as emotionally. We had a healthy sex and enjoyed it. She had certain pet aversions like not being naked, no deep kisses specially on the mouth. We had sex in the afternoons when I was working in night shifts. We tried many poses that were easy. At first she was reluctant to move on top but later she liked it. With all that she very rarely took an initiative in having sex. Similarly she did not favour long foreplay like kissing and teasing those nipples and stroking her vagina. She liked her breasts be held tight but not naked. Oral sex was not appreciated. Even though I had a copy of Kamasutra of Vatsayana in a Malayalam translation. I don’t think she read it any time. Even when we were alone she did not respond to questions of sex. She is so even now. A concept of Puritanism. Today we both are old and we like to huddle close together in bed. That gives satisfaction. Our active sex life continued up to the lumbar operation in January 2001. In fact sex was not a problem between us. There was exception. My wife had a heart problem in 1994 when she was hospitalised for a few days when we were at Indulekha. On discharge doctor advised not to strain. Take help to have bath. The bathroom there (in Indulekha) was bigger to accommodate two. Then two of us took bath together completely naked. With all that behind us, I am sure that in her view I have not acted to her expectations in the past. No expectations for anything to happen to change the future.

In any places in this narrative I have not mentioned the name of my wife. It might be a sign of my mental make up. I regret it happened unlike in the case of orthodox Brahmins where both husband and wife do not take name of each other. Unconsciously or so her name did not come in this narrative. As stated earlier her parents and family were too orthodox to my taste. Some how this narrative followed this taboo. I express my apologies to Annam. Her full name ANNAPOORNESWARY shortened to ANNAMMAL in Tamil and Annam in real life.

SOME CONCLUSIONS:

Some one reading all that were in the earlier pages will come with a question that needs an answer and possibly an explanation at this juncture. I have said that I believed in communist ideology and a society of that future. Do I carry them today. Not exactly. There are changes that are major in my present outlook. My disbelief in and opposition to all religions has strengthened as the days go bye. More and more evidences come thru from so many sources. The gods to whom prayers are held and offering are made in order to get protection from decease, mishap, calamity, ill luck etc. are in need of Z plus security these days. Even thou they think and practice religion the people are not at all convinced that their gods could take care of themselves or their sacred abodes the temples. But belief persists. Just now there are reports that the ICE LINGAM that gets formed in the AMARNATH cave in Kashmir Himalayashas melted before the season ended thru the heat generated by the crowds visiting it now a days.

This gentleman (Pranav Khullar - author) is a regular on the topic of gods and spiritual column “Speaking Tree” in Times of India. This piece about the Ice Lingam was on 18/8/05. There were in the media that the divine ice lingam melted and disappeared on 30.7.05 while the Sravan Poornima was on 19.8.05. According to reports the pilgrims thinned after the melt down of the lingam.

Ice Lingam in an ice cold cave surrounded by ice caped mountains melted down inspite of the ardent devotees seeking its (Shiva) blessings. The season is not over (August 2005) but reports say that devotees are thinning and trekking back. So that is another miracle. That in nutshell is my considered view on gods and religion. The concept of atma and paramatma as given in vedantic thought are the thoughts and experiences of certain conditioned mental exercises that doesn’t affect the material reality in any way. Of course they change one’s mental make up. Those who are permeated with deep faith could not alter their thoughts. We are the witnesses today to such a phenomena in religion oriented terrorism. They believe in god given command to act against non believers. Every day we hear about the consequences all over the world. There is a view that religions caused the highest number of killings and murders throughout history. The sorry fact is that it continues in this twenty first century.

However, the experience felt by the advaita vedantists seems to be little different, meaning that the experience is impersonal but still only a personal experience. To look at the positive, the personal experience might influence one’s approach and behaviour to others in society but the society itself is not changed. The phenomena of the increasing number of godmen and women in our midst have only helped to draw a section of devotees into more and more superstitious ways. They act not in defence of faith and nor for progress of humanity.

A good lot of people with faith in Vedanta philosophy accept it as holistic fact that the experiences thru yoga and meditations are true at personal level. People of different faiths might experience something similar. When a hindu claims this to his devotion to Rama, Krishna, Shiva etc, a Christian claims it as of Jesus, Mary or God, a muslim views it as the experience Allah. All such experiences goes to show that their gods are different and exclusive. Thus the claim for one god is depended on recognition one’s own god.

As for Marxism and communism they need serious re-thinking and re-appraisal. The thinking should accord with a scientific facts and findings. There were a lot of untested theories and assumptions that came from the founders themselves. Some might say that they had tight (some say irrefutable) reasoning to support ideas and conclusions. But religions also claim such reasoning the vedantic thought is very much so. However, tight reasoning cannot be the only criteria for truth reason shall base on science its facts and findings. Hypothesises should be firmly discarded if not proven thru scientific practice. For instance public ownership of industries and collective farming are said to have achieved impressive results in production but it also brought irresponsibility and unaccountability in their wake.

Soviet Union achieved a lot but failed to improve the daily life of its citizen. I have read a lot of critical as well a appreciative views. At first all criticisms were dismissed as bourgeois. Answering criticism was not based on source materials collected and collated but thru political arguments based on ideological positions, much of them un tested and therefore dogmatic. There after some short comings were recognised and addressed but they were explained away with certain realities World War II, cold was compulsions etc. To think an enormous stock of good will from all the peoples of the world towards socialism and communism was frittered away by the post war communist leadership in the soviet union and elsewhere. What ever might have been in pre war years, such as democratic methods, freedom of thought etc. etc. should have been brought to the forefront in post war years. Many things could have been corrected suitable corrective action taken and necessary changes in practice should have been adopted. But some things came in the way. People who were installed without a back ground to democracy and freedom are incapable to recognise their values in govt. communists in history worked for a revolution carried out by a militant ideologues who claimed as the sole and only representative of the working classes. Because of the brazen practices the communists in Italy and France who in reality represented the over whelming majority of the working class in their respective countries failed to register progress and finally out of sight today.

Even when Stalin was alive I started to have doubts on the ground level conditions in soviet union. I thought and was confident that the communists because of their learning and training in Marxism will surely correct the short comings. But slowly I was losing hope. When Stalin died he was honoured as an international working class leader. Workers in many establishments left their factories to join processions and demonstration to show respect to the dead leader.

The final blow to my conviction and devotion to communism when report of the speech made by Khrushchev to the XXth Congress of the communist party of soviet union. The text was not released to the public by authorities. I got the text of this speech put out by the USIS. It changed all my thoughts and perception there after. Capitalism and imperialism are very much in public with their malevolent past and present. They had to be replaced to bring in an equitable society Ways and means has to be found other than that were adapted by the communists or like minded groups of people.

When soviet union collapsed in the after math of Gorbachev’s glasnost I hoped for a refined and reformed party groups to surface but it did not happen. 75 years ruling party crumpled without a whimper. Such an event was not witnessed in history. Historical and dated communism died a deserving end. But how could the hopes of ordinary people including the poorest for a better tomorrow, better opportunity to live a life of honour and dignity could ever be realised? All the well meaning and fair-minded people shall strive to bring out a changes in minds, thoughts and practices on an over whelming majority of people. Plan of action arise out of the changes brought. It will undergo changes as the process goes on, an absolutely open society. That might sound too optimistic but I believe based upon the science of evolution that the society of future will progress towards an ideal. I am also sure that as humans progress towards ideal, the ideal itself undergo change for there will be no end to progress. Yes, change is the law of nature. An end to change will signal the extinction of humankind.

I have an elder colleague as well as a junior with whom I am contact. Both are like minded. The elder is Bhaskaran and younger Tony Athayde. The former resides in Tripunithura near Ernakulam, Kerala the later in Mahim in Bombay. Bhaskaran has I think two sons and a daughter. Sons are employed far off places and the employed daughter lives nearby. Still Bhaskaran and Mrs. are alone at home. Bhaskaran had met with a serious accident some years back that resulted in a broken leg. Inflicted with arthritis he moves in with great difficulty. He was telling me that he has lost all appetite in life and awaits to its end. But he is still good communist in his thoughts and also much clear in his idea though much of them according to me are dated. Optimism for the future of the world not for self.

Tony is much closer to my own idea though he is still a practicing (not exactly believing it all) Christian. He and Mrs. are staying in a large flat. He is inflicted with paralysis on his right side. His wife was met with a car accident years back that crushed almost her whole body. It took near about an year to be up moving. She suffered certain permanent injury to her limbs and regular visit to hospital is one of her routine. They have two sons and both are settled in US with their families. Either self or Tony make calls and talk for long. During these talks he exhibits an optimism about the future. Though many current developments disheartening we do feel, optimistic that a generation will arrive inbued with science and start altering the society and thru it the world.

On my own part I keep optimism alive though I myself have no personal desires to fulfil, no demands to meet, no aims to achieve. When I said this to Sarasvathy, she dismissed such talk as pessimistic. To be pessimist in one’s own life and optimistic for the future of the world is not a sign of defeatism. They don’t contradict each other. They show a reality that is profound.

End but not The End.

Krishnan Thoughts

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

SMALL NOTE ON OBAMA'S TRIP.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

REPLY TO GOVIND'S E-MAIL ON KASHMIR ISSUE.

From Daddy & Mummy November 5th, 2010.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

NAMELESS STORY

Krishnan Thoughts